Sam over at Financial Samurai recently shared an experience he had at a club in San Francisco, titled “Beautiful, Rich, and Still Single.. I wonder Why”.  He met this seemingly nice and attractive girl named Cynthia.  She turned out to be highly educated (a doctor of dental medicine student) and appeared quite wealthy, judging by her Manolo shoes and Chanel purse.

Not only was she confident, Sam felt that she seemed over confident.  She told Sam that the reason she was still single was because she was too attractive and too successful.

This made me think about why there are so many people out there who are on the ‘prowl’ for a significant other, but who also have overly inflated self esteem?

Is it because we were all brought up to feel that we have done well (teachers giving us gold stars for simply completing the homework assignment, certificates for participation etc.)?  Are we all living in bubbles?  What ever happened to modesty?

One of my guy friends was at a club recently.  He is a successful, genuinely nice guy.  He is very open and friendly and when you meet him, you quickly realize that he doesn’t have any pretenses.

He was recently at a packed club and he accidentally spilled a girl’s drink (it was just so packed in there, everyone walking around with their drinks makes for a recipe for disaster).  Now, I don’t mean to be judgmental, but the girl was average looking (certainly did not look like Cynthia at Sam’s club).

The girl was with her female friend and her female friend instantly piped up and said “HEY! You spilled her drink!!”  He realized what he had done and felt awful.  He immediately offered to buy her another drink.

The three of them went up to the bar and as they were waiting for the bartender to serve them, he decided to strike up some polite conversation with the girl whose drink he spilled.  Her friend meanwhile was very nonchalant looking and not engaging with my friend.  She was looking at her cellphone the entire time and was texting someone.  I think I saw some eye rolls in there as my friend was talking to her friend.

As my friend was talking to the girl, I noticed that she was very abrupt with him.  She barely made eye contact with him and was simply rude to him.  She was very short with her answers to his polite questions. They were making sure that they got right up to the bar so that they could watch to see if he was putting Roofies or drugs into her drink.

Judging from her ambivalent behaviour, it really seemed like she thought he was hitting on her by “ACCIDENTALLY” spilling her drink and therefore creating an excuse to buy her a drink and talk to her.  The friend also was talking about how she needs to see the drink to make sure he wasn’t trying to drug her.

Really?

First of all, girls who are interested in trying to get picked up by guys should try not to be defensive 24/7.

Guys are not ALWAYS trying to get into your pants (lol, right??).  Sometimes some guys really are just nice and trying to be good people.

That being said, I’m sure there are a lot of guys who are good for nothing and are douche bags, but I think that if you have your back up 100% time, you close yourself to meeting genuinely nice guys.

I haven’t been inside a club in a long time before this (I think the last time I went was a year ago) and it ALWAYS intrigues me to watch the behaviour of females and males in a club.  It’s like watching the Discovery Channel.  Fascinating, really!

I recently read a great article in Vancouver Magazine titled “Do Vancouver Men Suck?” about how men are seemingly very casual, very passive in this city.  It could be because women here in Vancouver tend to be stuck up and think any guy who is “nice” to them and genuine is trying to get them into bed.

Readers, do you agree with me?  Do you think that there are a lot of Cynthia’s out there?  Guys, do you find that girls seem to be on the defense when you try to strike up conversation with them?

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Mark from the Blunt Bean Counter created an initiative  called Bloggers for Charity where people can bid to guest post on some well-known Canadian finance blogs. Some have been very successful (like Preet Banjeree and Canadian Capitalist- they both got $5000 bids!!) and some have not (hahaha like ME! I have not gotten one single bid, but that’s okay because I decided to bid on my own blog).

I have always wanted to write about Tibet ever since I visited it a few years back and I have been meaning to donate to a Tibetan cause since my visit.  As I have already donated various amounts of money to other charities this year, my donation probably isn’t as generous as I would ideally like, but every little bit counts.  So here is my opportunity and I am very grateful for it.  So thank you, for not bidding to write a guest post on my blog lol.

Here is a picture of my donation receipt, notice how I have covered my name and address to avert any potential stalkers or fradulent ID scammers:

The Trans Himalayan Aid Society aims to support the health and education of children and youth in northern India, Nepal, and Tibet.  They have been doing this since 1962.  There were about 80,000 Tibetan refugees from the 1959 uprising in Lhasa and many became orphaned.  Many settled in the old British Hill stations on the border of Tibet and India to escape the persecution in Tibet. Since then, TRAS has been involved with helping and empowering Tibetan refugees to regain settlement in their new home of India and Nepal.  They assist in building settlement communities for Tibetan youth and elderly, with a focus on health and education across the Himalayas.

This charity is also based out of Vancouver and has been involved in facilitating the immigration of over 1000 Tibetans to Canada in the next five years.

Culture

Tibet and its people touched my heart.  Since Communist rule, things have changed rapidly in terms of cultural genocide.  Not only were monasteries and sacred Buddhist relics destroyed in 1959, many changes have slowly happened over the years that indicate the continual destruction of Tibetan culture.  Our tourguide in Tibet was a young 24 year old.  He did not know how to write the Tibetan language even though he is Tibetan.  He was only taught Chinese in school because of China’s decision to slowly eliminate Tibetan culture and assimilating them into Chinese culture.  He can speak Chinese fluently.  He really wanted to discover his roots and so he took it upon himself to get to know the Tibetan monks in his community.  He learned a bit of the Tibetan language from the Buddhist monks because that was the only place he could learn it from.

Religion

Instead of being a tour guide, when he grew up he always wanted to be a monk.  In other countries where Buddhism is practiced and appreciated, for example, Bhutan, aspiring to be a monk is considered a good job aspiration and is very well supported.  Unfortunately in Tibet, this is encouraged by Tibetans but they all know how bleak the future can be for a young monk in Tibet.  It is reported that the Chinese government makes it mandatory for an aspiring young monk to APPLY to the Chinese government to be a monk.  Many, many, many of these applications are unanswered or destroyed.

Therefore, there are very very few young monks.  With no young monks available to replace the older monks when they pass away, this is how cultural genocide is achieved, unfortunately.

In Bhutan, another devoutly Buddhist country, all I saw were young monks in monasteries, training, studying hard, and meditating.  In Tibet, I rarely saw young monks at all in monasteries.

Travel and Transportation

Sure, the Chinese government has provided a lot in terms of paving roads and making the travel between Tibetan cities and towns much easier.  Recently, the Chinese government created a high speed rail connecting Chengdu in mainland China to Lhasa, Tibet.  This has  resulted in a mass influx of mainland Chinese settling in Tibet.  Primarily because Tibet is exempt from the one child policy, so many people view this as a “free-er” part of the country where they don’t have restrictions for the number of children they can have.  When I was in Lhasa, it was so developed with wide lanes, Chinese shops, and many inhabitants who had recently immigrated to Lhasa from Chengdu because of the booming tourism.

Another aspect that was difficult for me to understand (because I was enraged when I heard this) is travel (and you all know how much I value travel).

Tibetans can only travel within China.  In order to travel outside of the country, they have to apply for a passport.  For a mainland Chinese to apply for a passport to travel outside of the country, it is around $20 USD.  Because our Tibetan tourguide was so amazing and he said all he wanted to do was to go to Nepal to visit his grandfather who he hasn’t met (his grandfather had helped the Dalai Lama escape to Nepal), I thought, hey I can chip in for your passport!  However, it was much more than I anticipated….for a Tibetan wanting to travel outside of the country, it is $2000 USD.   Even someone who  lives in a FIRST WORLD COUNTRY cannot afford that!

Because of these rules and regulations, it is basically impossible to travel outside of the country, therefore making it impossible to escape.

Military

Apparently the highest number of Chinese military is concentrated in Lhasa.  Every block I went to there were military personnel marching along the streets alongside cute Tibetan women making their rounds while meditating.  It was a surreal site for sure.  These military personnel would be carrying huge guns ans stand there while people were buying fruits and vegetables in the local market.

A lot of the military personnel were very young too- some barely looked seventeen.  And unfortunately they did not seem to understand what they were doing, and many showed a lot of arrogance (though I suppose any teenager would show some arrogance when given guns and military weaponry).

I leave you with a photo of the Tibetan plains.  All the flags you see are Tibetan prayer flags and their purpose is to provide a safe passage for the travelers crossing that plain.

Readers, thanks for reading.  I’ve been meaning to get that off my chest for a while.  It made me really sad to hear these stories about Tibet, and I hope you also get involved in supporting Tibetans to lead a better life.  We are very lucky to live in a free country, and sometimes amidst the hustle and bustle of life, we forget that.

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I am heading to a destination wedding in a few weeks and thought it would be appropriate to discuss the topic of gift giving at destination weddings, and I would love to hear your thoughts.

Previously, I wrote an article comparing the cost of destination weddings to traditional “at home” weddings, and I discussed which type of wedding might be cheaper.  Well, thought I would take on the guests’ perspective this time since I am a guest at a destination wedding (WILL BE TWICE this year! OMG).

No doubt about it, attending destination weddings are friggin’ expensive.

It is traditional thought to give a gift or money (in a card, how classy!) to cover the bride and groom’s expenses.  For example, if it was a traditional local wedding, you would give a gift on the registry or give a monetary gift to cover the cost of your ‘portion’ at the reception and the delicious food you will eat, and a little more.

But for destination weddings where you will likely travel across the world to attend, what do you do?

I think that if the bride and groom are paying for your accommodation in any way, you should still provide a gift that will perhaps attempt to cover the cost of the accommodation.

If you are attending a destination wedding and you have to pay for the rooms yourself, you should still provide a gift, even if it’s small.

I know that you are probably already spending $1000 on the plane ticket and accommodation, but if you spend just an extra $50 for a gift, the bride and groom will appreciate it.  The bride and groom are probably stressed out as it is about paying for their exorbitant wedding and they could probably use a little help.  In addition, if you show up WITHOUT a gift and everyone else DOES, you will likely end up looking cheap.  The idea is to look frugal, yet classy.  Hopefully those two are not mutually exclusive LOL.

Now I need a little help from you

I’d love to hear your thoughts/ feedback on how much of a gift I should give to the two weddings I have coming up in the next year.

First Scenario: BF’s sister

The first, it is my boyfriend’s sister and I am not a bridesmaid (I don’t think she has any bridesmaids).  The wedding will be VERY small (like may fifteen people or less) and I gave money for the flight to Hawaii (woohoo! Hawaii!) but she is paying for the accommodation.  I’m not sure how much the accommodation will cost, but it sounds like it is a two bedroom suite in a hotel and I’ll be staying with my boyfriend’s parents and sisters.

How much do you think I should give in this case?  They don’t need any household items because they already live together, so I was going to give some money instead.

Here are my costs so far:

$500 for the airplane ticket

$5.50 for that new tax for Canadians heading into the US (hey guys, I thought we were friends??)  but I might not have to pay it if it doesn’t go into effect yet, LOL.

Second Scenario: Bridesmaid

She is my one of my really good friends and I was invited to be a bridesmaid for her wedding in Thailand.  I will be one of five bridesmaids.  She is paying for my room at this private villa where the wedding will be held (oh god, I have no idea how much that will cost).  This wedding sounds extravagant and it is going to be the party of the century (well, my century, I suppose).  There will be fireworks, there will be partying, and it will be epic.  Hopefully not Hangover 2 Epic (no fingers chopped off, thank you very much).

How much should I give in this case?  She seems to be doing well for herself and I don’t think money is much of an issue for her.  This will be the very first time I will be a bridesmaid and I’m pretty darned excited!  She already lives with her boyfriend and does not need any household goods.

Here are my costs so far for this trip:

$650 I used up my RBC Avion points so I could get a discounted flight to Thailand (it would normally cost me $1300)

Readers, what do you think? Have you attended a destination wedding recently?  If so, did you give a little somethin’ somethin’ as a gift as well?  Girls, any bridesmaid tips for me?

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I recently read “Why Men Love Bitches” by Sherry Argov (yeah, that’s right, I’ve been reading more books in the past few weeks than I have in the past few years!) and in this book she has “100 Attraction Principles” whereby if a girl withholds these principles, the guy of your interest would become and hopefully stay attracted to you.  On a side note, I just wanted to clarify that if you haven’t read the book, the author isn’t saying that girls need to be a b*tch, she’s just saying that girls should “hold their own” and not be emotionally needy for the guy.  In this book she argues that emotional neediness is NOT a turn on and basically is a one-way ticket for the guy to hightail it out of the relationship.

One of her principles, Attraction Principle #82 says:

Financial neediness is no different than emotional neediness; in both instances, he can still get the feeling that he has 100 percent hold on you

What Sherry Argov means by 100 percent hold is the feeling is disrespect towards the female who is financially needy, and not “holding her own”.  There are many stories of women who were absolutely devastated after a divorce, not only emotionally but financially.  Because their husbands managed the  money in the household, the newly divorced women did not know anything about saving or investing.  They did not know the financial assets and investments their husband had because their husbands handled the finances.  This is an unfortunate but often common occurrence for divorcees.

Some men really don’t like the fact that their wives make more than they do.  At the same time, some men really relish the fact that their wives make more than they do.  I guess each guy is different.  I am curious what men out there prefer- do you prefer to be the breadwinner and pay for everything (including her trips, her designer bags, her dinners etc.) or do you prefer to have a girl who can hold her own?

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I believe Retire by 40 coined the term “frugal fatigue”, whereby an individual is so consistently frugal that after a certain period of time, the person gets tired of being stingy and ends up splurging.  It can be very rewarding being frugal, but being frugal 24/7 can be tiring for the soul.  Just like a strict diet, if you restrict yourself too much, you end up gluttonous and that’s not good either.  It’s human nature and we can’t help it.

Since my boyfriend and I have moved in together, we haven’t gone out to eat very much.  When we were dating and not living together, we would probably go out for dinner or lunches once to twice a week. We have been eating home cooked meals daily. Although our bank book and restaurant budget is happy, and although it’s nice to be able to enjoy our new home together and eat in it, it can have the potential to wear you down as a couple.  I think having the day in- day out routine of coming home and eating dinner, watching television together etc. can have the tendency to make things mundane.  It sort of crept up on me, this realization that my boyfriend and I have not been spending much time outside of the home together (unless you count shopping at Costco as quality time spent together).

As I’ve found out, it is very important to set time out as a couple to try out new things.  It’s important to spend time doing something other than watching Storage Wars and How I Met your Mother together.  Otherwise, your relationship becomes duller than you would like it to be.  I don’t even have children and I am already feeling the need to have a “date night” whereby we have the opportunity to enjoy time together.

So here is what my boyfriend and I are attempting to do in order to avoid frugal fatigue:

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