August 1st, 2011 by
Young
I recently read “Why Men Love Bitches” by Sherry Argov (yeah, that’s right, I’ve been reading more books in the past few weeks than I have in the past few years!) and in this book she has “100 Attraction Principles” whereby if a girl withholds these principles, the guy of your interest would become and hopefully stay attracted to you. On a side note, I just wanted to clarify that if you haven’t read the book, the author isn’t saying that girls need to be a b*tch, she’s just saying that girls should “hold their own” and not be emotionally needy for the guy. In this book she argues that emotional neediness is NOT a turn on and basically is a one-way ticket for the guy to hightail it out of the relationship.
One of her principles, Attraction Principle #82 says:
Financial neediness is no different than emotional neediness; in both instances, he can still get the feeling that he has 100 percent hold on you
What Sherry Argov means by 100 percent hold is the feeling is disrespect towards the female who is financially needy, and not “holding her own”. There are many stories of women who were absolutely devastated after a divorce, not only emotionally but financially. Because their husbands managed the money in the household, the newly divorced women did not know anything about saving or investing. They did not know the financial assets and investments their husband had because their husbands handled the finances. This is an unfortunate but often common occurrence for divorcees.
Some men really don’t like the fact that their wives make more than they do. At the same time, some men really relish the fact that their wives make more than they do. I guess each guy is different. I am curious what men out there prefer- do you prefer to be the breadwinner and pay for everything (including her trips, her designer bags, her dinners etc.) or do you prefer to have a girl who can hold her own?
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I believe Retire by 40 coined the term “frugal fatigue”, whereby an individual is so consistently frugal that after a certain period of time, the person gets tired of being stingy and ends up splurging. It can be very rewarding being frugal, but being frugal 24/7 can be tiring for the soul. Just like a strict diet, if you restrict yourself too much, you end up gluttonous and that’s not good either. It’s human nature and we can’t help it.
Since my boyfriend and I have moved in together, we haven’t gone out to eat very much. When we were dating and not living together, we would probably go out for dinner or lunches once to twice a week. We have been eating home cooked meals daily. Although our bank book and restaurant budget is happy, and although it’s nice to be able to enjoy our new home together and eat in it, it can have the potential to wear you down as a couple. I think having the day in- day out routine of coming home and eating dinner, watching television together etc. can have the tendency to make things mundane. It sort of crept up on me, this realization that my boyfriend and I have not been spending much time outside of the home together (unless you count shopping at Costco as quality time spent together).
As I’ve found out, it is very important to set time out as a couple to try out new things. It’s important to spend time doing something other than watching Storage Wars and How I Met your Mother together. Otherwise, your relationship becomes duller than you would like it to be. I don’t even have children and I am already feeling the need to have a “date night” whereby we have the opportunity to enjoy time together.
So here is what my boyfriend and I are attempting to do in order to avoid frugal fatigue:
Many of you have probably heard of the horrendous riot that happened last Wednesday when Vancouver lost to the Boston Bruins during the Stanley Cup Finals (uh, Echo, you were right… we lost! 
). Everyone was fearing something like this would happen, with 100,000 fans crowded into downtown Vancouver streets, coupled with booze and alcohol, and tension from a poorly lost game, made for some potential displaced anger.
But we didn’t think it would be as bad as what happened 17 years ago, in 1994. But it was much worse. It was really really bad.
I’m glad I didn’t go downtown this time, I think I would have been very disappointed with what I saw.
Instead, I watched from home on TV and was absolutely appalled by what I was seeing on television. I stayed up past midnight watching the live footage roll in of the damage that was inflicted. Cars (yes, even police squad cars) were turned upside down and lit on fire, The Hudson Bay Company’s windows were smashed, Louis Vuitton’s windows were smashed and $1000+ bags were looted and then later put on sale through Craigslist, people were stabbed, punched, beaten… you name it. It was absolutely disgraceful for Vancouver. In case you haven’t seen it here are some of the shots.
Seeing the footage made me feel like I was watching something from a zombie movie or a video game. Everyone’s eyes looked so glazed (hmm.. maybe it was from all the weed people were smoking?) and it looked like something was controlling them… what would compel someone to set a car on fire, laugh maniacally, and take a self-portrait with their iPhone, and then proceed to tweet about it and post it on facebook?
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The other day, I was reading Fabulously Broke’s post on how her brother seemed to be taking advantage of her. He assumed that because she was making more money than him… then she should always foot the bill. She had gone to visit him in Toronto and they were deciding on what to eat. She said she wanted sushi, and he wanted steak. Here’s a snippet of her conversation with him over dinner (they ended up going to a steakhouse).
FB’s Brother: Ahhh.. steak! What are you getting?
FB: Umm.. I guess the chicken pasta. I don’t feel like a heavy steak. It’s too expensive for $27/steak, especially since I can buy more than 8 oz. for $27 and cook it better by myself at home the way I like it.
See, conscious consumption at work here. I didn’t think the steak was worth it and damn it, I had wanted sushi!
FB’s Brother: Oh.
FB: What?
FB’s Brother: Well, can I get a steak?
FB: *shocked silence*
After reading this, a memory of something similar that happened to me came to mind. I guess I had forgotten (and buried it into the abyss of bad memories) about it since I recall my heart was shattered at the time.
My ex boyfriend with whom I wasted shared two and a half years of my life with (though this was the first few years of university), didn’t have a job. I recall he was busy working on completing a few courses in high school he flunked out of. He didn’t really have a job, either. Hmm.. I’m painting a very rosy picture of him, aren’t I?
Because I was more financially secure at that age than he was, I often footed the bill. By financially secure, I mean I was making $9.50 working retail 15 hours a week during the school year. I would drive him places (he didn’t have a car) that we went to together, I would pay for our dates and our dinner bills, and pay for fun activities we did around town (like going to the arcade, or the movies). I think I also bought some clothes for him too, when I saw something I thought he might like. I was very thoughtful. I would also buy him something that he had always wanted (it was $200 for some anime figurine or something completely useless like that) for our anniversary or his birthday, and when my birthday came around, he would get me something small, with sentiment and homemade… which didn’t matter to me of course… until we went shopping together one day and I realized I was being taken advantage of.
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I was going to title this post as “Sex on the Cheap” but then thought that wouldn’t go over so well (people may misinterpret it, understandably), and I would probably have 300 spam comments in my spam queue the instant I post it.
Being a young individual, you may want to delay baby-making for later years when you have that career established and your future somewhat organized. So here’s a post looking at the different ways birth control can be cheaper and cost-effective, and their possible side effects so that you can make the best decision and save money at the same time. I won’t go to the detail of analyzing “cost per use” though, you can do that experimenting on your own
I might throw in a little “pros” and “cons” list for each one in terms of cost and ease of use just because you know I love my Pros and Cons lists and I haven’t made one for a while.
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