So I thought I would take an interlude from writing about money all the time (because you know, reading about credit scores or investing gets a bit tiresome after a while probably, even though this is a personal finance blog) to write about the drama that is my love life.
As some of you longtime, dedicated, awesome readers know, I recently got dumped by my long term love of 7.5 years, the one I thought was “the one”, the one I was waiting for to get engaged to. It has been about three and a half months since this whole ordeal happened. The past three and a half months have probably been the most gut wrenching few months I have had. So much change. The house sold (which will probably be a later post, don’t worry), I started dating and met someone who I have been dating for two months (yes, don’t get me started on the rebound notion), and … never would I thought, because he seemed so SURE that he didn’t want me anymore…just recently, the ex contacted me and said he missed me and wanted to see me again and said he realized he made a big mistake. It seems like the ex has done a lot of learning about who he is, what he wants, and how he was dropping the ball in the relationship. He says he realized that he would rather be poor and happy with someone he loves than unhappy and wealthy with no one to spend his time with. But can someone really change in the span of three months?
I have to preface this with the fact that my ex and I have been on and off sometimes throughout our 7.5 year relationship but this time it was the most serious and this time was the only time I didn’t go running back to chase him. I also have to preface it with the fact that I have known my ex since I was 15 and we dated briefly in high school and always thought he was the one.
When I first started dating the new guy I had a TON of doubts. I was comparing him incessantly to the ex (I know, classic sign of a rebound relationship). And although I thought I had done a lot of work (forgiving the ex for deciding that I wasn’t the one for him, reading books like Rebuilding After your Relationship Ends and wallowing in my own self pity) I think I was still doubting this new relationship to the point that I was picking apart this new guy. In my head I was critical and thinking that he didn’t smell nice like my ex did, I wasn’t attracted to him like my ex, and he wasn’t fun like my ex was. However, this new guy is very calm (which is something my ex and I weren’t- we were both impulsive and had a bit of difficulty controlling our emotions which led to some intense arguments) and isn’t emotionally unavailable like my ex was at times. He seems to really like me for who I am. There is one caveat which probably isn’t a big deal at all but he seems more frugal than me.
So, like I always do here on this blog, I made a pros and cons list of these two guys. Well, just a pros list to compare I suppose.
- Comfortable (our relationship was similar to the “This is 40″ relationship where we could talk and laugh and have witty banter nonstop)
- Makes me laugh
- Caring (when he’s not emotionally disengaged)
- Similar interests
- Generous (this is a big one for me… )
- Wasn’t sure but is now sure (not sure if this is more a CON instead of a PRO!)
- Familiar/ Time
- Hedonistic (would rather enjoy life than save up and scrooge)
- Smells good (haha)
- I am very attracted to him
- He is very attracted to me
- Parents are not divoriced
- He knows everything about me and I can trust him (but at the same time, not really since he broke my heart)
The New Guy
- Seems to like me for my intellect and who I am
- Seems to think we have a good connection
- Willing to compromise
- Good with money
Readers, what do you think? I know that it really boils down to what I want and what my own core values are… I know that with my ex I will have to compromise and work on it and I know that with the new guy, he takes me for who I am and I won’t have to do much “work”… but maybe I like doing the work? Maybe it is a goal in my life to be self reflective?
The differences in these two is especially evident when I talk to them about my 13 year old car. New guy says run it to the ground and thinks its not a wise decision to buy a new car. Ex says he’ll help me look around for a good deal on a new car and says I should treat myself (we made a bit of $ on the house)… and I think… yes, I want a new car that is an SUV or a hatchback so I can carry my bike in it or other things in it if need be!
Readers, I need your helpStability and security or passion and fun times? What would you do?