Weekend Ramblings and PF Blog Love: I can't do it all!

So I’ve been moved in with my boyfriend for a little over a month.  It’s been super busy for me.  It seems that all I do is: wake up, feed self, feed dog, go to work, drive through traffic to go home, cook dinner, eat dinner, feed dog, wash dishes/ put in dishwasher, clean up, walk dog squeeze in a bit of time for blogging, go to sleep.  Try and cook a few meals ahead of time so I can freeze them.  Volunteer twice a month.  Squeeze in time for exercise.  Squeeze in time for friends, but even then with all the things I need “to do” I feel like I would rather complete my “to do” list than hang out with friends. Kind of sad, really.  When I lived on my own, I could leave things like the dishes for a while (until they piled up big time).  It doesn’t really work when there’s someone else around.

I definitely feel like I’m drowning in the day to day grind.  And more importantly, I realize that I can’t have it all!  I have no idea how full-time working moms do it, really.  I’ve been trying to get my boyfriend to do a bit more around the house- he’s been busy going to the driving range to practice his swing.  I can’t help but feel a bit resentful about me doing more around the house and us both working full time.  Of course, that’s my perception, and I’m sure its his perception as well.  We definitely need to start talking and have some communication on how we can make things more egalitarian (yes, the feminist in me is RAGING… raging haha).

So if you have found I haven’t been as active around my blog lately, my apologies, but please be assured that I LOVE BLOGGING and I hate that I can’t respond immediately to comments :)

So readers, how have you found balance with the day to day?

PF Boy Blog Love

scale balance Pictures, Images and Photos

I just noticed that all of these posts I mention below are from male PF bloggers.  Are there more male PF blogs in general?  Am I more drawn to the male PF blog content?  Not sure what it is :)  Maybe I’ll post an all female PF girl blog wrap up next week.

Have a great weekend! Hope its sunny for you!  If you haven’t entered the contest (I’m giving away a free book written by Robert Kiyosaki of Rich Dad Poor Dad fame) please do!

About

Young is a writer and former owner of Young and Thrifty and the main "twitter' behind Young and Thrifty's twitter account. She lives in Vancouver, BC and enjoys long walks on the beach, spending time with her anxious dog, and finding good deals. If you like what you read, consider signing up for email updates.

39 Responses to Weekend Ramblings and PF Blog Love: I can't do it all!

  1. No Debt MBA says:

    I found that I spent less time doing household chores when I moved in with my SO. I only have to do half of the cooking? YAY! But years later we still grump at each other that we each do more of the work. Which is impossible, but it just means the other person is wrong ;)

    • young says:

      @No Debt MBA- It’s good that you like to do cooking. BF only knows how to cook one thing (pasta), but I’ll be sure to make sure he learns more recipes. I have a colleague who has a very rudimentary system in place. He puts a sheet on the fridge and whoever does the dishes gets a star. His spouse doesn’t cook and he does all the cooking, but he still does the dishes too, on occasion. You can see who has been doing the dishes by seeing who has the most stars. Like an honour system :)

  2. Sam says:

    I recommend you kick your BF in the nuts, withhold special things, and make sure he reads this post!

  3. Mike Holman says:

    I agree with Sam. :)

    I have to say that I’m quite shocked that anyone would buy a house with someone they have never lived with. Very risky.

    • young says:

      @Mike Holman- Thanks Mike for your input. But there are many people who get married, buy and home, and live together. How different is it? Is that piece of paper acknowledging being married that significant and powerful to prevent a break up? I don’t know if it is, considering about 50% of marriages end in divorce.

  4. SavingMentor says:

    I confess that I hate that feeling of just “squeezing everything in”. It seems in today’s busy world with both people working that life is always like that. Once you become a parent, it is even more like this every single day. You actually realize how much “free time” you had before the child(ren) came along!

    Don’t run yourself into the ground. The to do list will always be there! It’s important to get stuff done but also important to not always be thinking about what needs to be done but enjoy living. If you can actually enjoy working on your to do list kind of like it is relaxation – then so much the better :) I can’t seem to get in that frame of mind myself – it always seems like a chore.

    • young says:

      @SavingMentor- Oh gawd, you’re not selling this children thing to me! ;) Sometimes I do enjoy getting my to do list done. I actually get immense satisfaction from it, and to be honest (haha don’t judge) sometimes I write things on my to do list that are mundane (like I break my big goals down) and basically just write it down so I can cross it off (I only do this on the rare occasion ha!).

  5. Hey, I’m getting overwhelmed right now too. There are just too many things to do in one day and I know my wife do even more than that. I cook about 75% of the time, but she cleans up and do laundry. Throw the baby in there and we don’t have any free time at all. It seems like sleep is the one losing out these days…
    Your BF needs to help out a bit more around the house.
    Good luck & Thanks for the mention!

    • young says:

      @retirebyforty- I’m sorry to hear you’re feeling overwhelmed too, RB40, but take solace in knowing you’re not alone! Yes- it’s amazing what regularly not getting sufficient sleep can do to your psyche. I think that was the problem last week. I was going to work feeling so fatigued, and I was able to sleep in on Saturday and voila! Completely different person.

  6. Echo says:

    If a guy hasn’t lived with a girl before then he’d better learn fast to help out around the house or it doesn’t make for a good situation. I’d love to be out at the driving range too but you’ve got to have priorities and make compromises when you live together.

  7. I find it hard to get motivated to cook once you get home from a long day. A $30 slow cooker can make things easier though. I’m living by myself now, I don’t know how families do it all the time!

    • young says:

      @JB- Hey, I got both MUM’s commenting, that’s great! :) We DO have a slow cooker. I loved using it (made chilis, pot roast etc) I LOVE the slow cooker. I agree with you, and was trying to convey that in my post, that I have NO idea how families do it!

  8. Krantcents says:

    Hey, moving in together is supposed to be better! Is this a preview of marriage? It should be more of a give and take situation.

    Thanks for the mention. I am in good company.

    • young says:

      @Krantcents- haha, I think this is essentially marriage, is it not? I appreciate all your feedback about how it is ‘supposed’ to be. It gives me something to work with and improve upon.

  9. Most guys do not care how the house looks. My husband is the exception. If it is really an issue…and he won’t help. Hire someone. It will take the stress out of it.

    • young says:

      @Supre Frugalette- BF cares a lot about how the house looks. We’ll see how it goes, I hope we can work it out so we don’t have to hire someone (saving from having to add that expense would be nice).

  10. Get your BF to help around the house simply because you are both working. It’s not like you’re blogging all day, you have a full time job as well so it’s only fair to divide the work at home.

    I never understood those who scream about testing living with someone before moving in, it shows you value your partner as much as the next car you test drive before buying it…

    • young says:

      @Beating The Index- Well, he has been working around the house (mainly does cleaning, vacuuming) but I tend to do the “day to day” things like cooking and dish washing. I agree with you. I’m in it for the long haul with him and don’t anticipate just throwing in the towel. Things can always be worked out.

  11. I’m not a super clean person, but sometimes, it reaches a certain point of no return and I get super grumpy until my place is clean again.

    I’m sure that your BF is just caught up in the joys of summer and doesn’t mean to neglect the house. Summers are so short in Canada! I hope you get to enjoy more of it, and he can help out more, too.

    Maybe you need some help with a cleaning lady every so often or your can batch cook things so you don’t need to cook during weeknights.

    If you ever do a girls link love post, I’d love to be included! :)

    • young says:

      @fabulouslyfrugirl- Summers ARE so short in canada. I think that’s what makes me stressed out too. I wish I could just enjoy my day and not have to work (arrggh I wish I was a teacher! hehe) during summers. I tried batch cooking this weekend and I think it will work nicely next week. It’s just SO much easier to cook on the weekends when you’re not exhausted from work.

      I will definitely include you for a girls link love post! I will do it next week :)

  12. You are right that you need to sit down and discuss expectations regarding your living arrangements and your relationship. If you don’t talk and communicate now, things only get busier when children are added (not that I am implying anything–just speaking from experience). See if you can strike a bargain. One cooks, the other cleans up. How are you handling chores like laundry? I try to fold when my wife runs a load. The oldest four kids have to do their own laundry so that helps! Ha!

    • young says:

      @cashflowmantra- Thanks, cashflow! It is all about communication. I guess when I’m so fatigued, I don’t feel like talking and tend to withdraw, which is of course the wrong thing to do. I talked to him about it and he said he will do the dishes regularly, but I tend to get to them before him– so what I’ll do is just leave them and pretend they are not there. haha :)

  13. Juan says:

    Well you know if you ever run out of personal finance posts you could always try branching out into other themes like relationships. I mean it can be pretty hard to be responsible financially when one’s other half has no desire to do the same you know?

    • young says:

      @Juan- LOL thanks! You’re right. I’m reading “Smart Women Finish Rich” right now and it was talking about different values (how women are more value driven and men are more goal driven when it comes to finances) and am finding out about the different nuances between males and females when it comes to money. Very interesting indeed. It is true, it can be difficult when the other half has no desire to do the same. That’s why I would never amalgamate my finances with my S.O. because he doesn’t seem to care as much as me about investing etc.

  14. Ouch, that is a tough situation. From a young guy’s perspective who has been living with his significant other for awhile now (and I am definitely no Doctor Phil so take my advice with a grain of salt), I would say that a conversation is obviously a must-have. My guess is that your bf doesn’t care if certain cleaning doesn’t get done, he doesn’t place much value on it, and consequently rarely thinks about it (or more precisely WHO does it). If you allow this rage to build and then blindside him when you are angry and he hasn’t even thought about it this will not end well :( I would likely respond best if in the morning my gf told me that we had to have a conversation that evening about ________. This way we would both have time to rationally think about it, and realize it is really a small issue in the overall scheme of things. Any chance you might a little stressed with all the work piling up and your bf presents a good target? It’s definitely normal that this would be the case, and sometimes I’ll even let my gf know, “I’m sorry I had a terrible week and your probably getting a little more of the edge than you should be.” Admitting this seems to go a long way toward only getting me in a little trouble, and not into a whole lot of trouble! haha. Anyway, good luck with everything, sorry to hear that life is piling on!

    • young says:

      @Teacher Man- Actually, my boyfriend is a quite the neat freak and he likes a clean place. I, on the other hand, don’t value it that much. I do have a bad habit of what they call “gunny sacking” whereby I keep my emotions to myself and then explode with them (bag bursting of frustration). That is a good idea, TM, to mention it in the morning and allow rational thought to occur before “dropping the bomb”.

      You do make a good point- I have been very stressed as of late. Last week I was so busy with everything and felt a lot of time pressure to do things in a timely manner. I think this next week will be much better, I have a few days off.

      It’s good that you are so aware of your feelings and how they may bounce off your significant other. It’s definitely something I need to work on for myself! I’ll use the “I’m sorry I had a terrible week and youre probably getting a little more of the edge than you should be”- it’s true but sometimes it’s so hard to verbalize these feelings.

  15. Annbanan says:

    it sounds like the boyfriend got himself a maid and a mother…you have to change this now before he gets too used to it……

    • young says:

      @Annbanan- Thanks for your suggestion- I know, I am partially to blame because I sort of let this happen I suppose. However, I realize what I am doing wrong and have started the process of communicating this :)

  16. MoneyCone says:

    Take it slow YT! The first few months are always ‘interesting’ when you start living together! Each one learns the other persons quirks and habits!

    But in most cases, it evens out and you start adjusting better. It takes a little time, but communication is the key and don’t let tempers flare!

    Take it easy and have a great week ahead!

    • young says:

      @MoneyCone- That’s what my friends say :) They say the first YEAR after living together can be quite tumultuous. Thanks for your great suggestion- communication is certainly key.

  17. Hey Y&T, thanks for the mention! Sorry to hear that you’re stressed, but then again, it comes a bit with age sadly. This is totally unsolicited advice I know, but here goes….

    Here is a good lil’ rule my wife and I use around the house: if she cooks, I clean up; if I cook, she cleans up. We started that lil’ rule about 8 years ago when we met and it has worked well for us ever since. Of course, every couple does things differently but this was one small equitable approach in a journey of learning to live well together :)

    Take care and I look forward to your blogpost this week!

    Mark

    • young says:

      @My Own Advisor- Thanks for the advice- definitely solicited (well at least implicitly!) otherwise I wouldn’t blog about it ;) Thank you Mark- I appreciate your suggestion- it has gone better since I last posted it. We had a big “talk” and he acknowledged the disparity between our doing of chores. He also bought some groceries to make some pasta over the weekend too. I know that I am partly to blame of course, because I was in a way allowing for this behavior to happen by doing things without asking him to do them.

  18. Benjamin says:

    Wow! Sounds like you’re a busy girl indeed! I can relate to feeling overwhelmed by work, family, school, blogging, and other various obligations! If you get a chance, check out the story of how my family and I were able to pay off $90,000 of consumer debt in less than two years.

    http://www.treesfullofmoney.com/?p=1064

    Good luck in your own financial journey and happy blogging!

  19. Leigh says:

    I’ve been patient with you not blogging as much – I figured you were just out looking for inspiration for new blog posts! ;) I hope your talk with your boyfriend goes well and you both reach a better understanding of how things have changed with moving in together.

    I am equally aghast that all of your articles came from male PF bloggers! There are definitely a lot more PF blogs written by men than by women in my Google Reader though, so I guess that makes sense.

    • young says:

      @Leigh- Awe thanks Leigh. Yeah, there are many more male PF bloggers than female PF bloggers. I wonder if this is related to how sometimes women don’t feel as “confident” about talking about money? I’m reading David Bach’s “Smart Women Finish Rich” right now and he also writes that men in a lot of families “handle the finances”.

  20. Mike Holman says:

    Just to clarify, I wasn’t suggesting that you guys should have gotten married before buying the house. If anything, that is probably even riskier.

    My opinion is that the least risky strategy is to live together and rent for a while. Marriage, house buying and kids can come later.

    Of course the fact that I like to give my opinion on every topic under the sun, doesn’t mean I know what I’m talking about. ;)

    • young says:

      @Mike Holman- Ahhh sorry my bad! I was assuming things ;) You do have good opinions Mike, and I respect them. That’s true- but there are many people out there who hold such traditional values that they do not want to live together before marriage (e.g. rent). I remember taking a Family Studies course in college showed the statistic: those who live together before marriage are more likely to divorce than those who did not live together before marriage. I’m sure that stat is skewed and flawed because there’s many factors that need to be considered.

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