Ladies, Men are Not ALWAYS Trying to Get Into Your Pants

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Sam over at Financial Samurai recently shared an experience he had at a club in San Francisco, titled “Beautiful, Rich, and Still Single.. I wonder Why”.  He met this seemingly nice and attractive girl named Cynthia.  She turned out to be highly educated (a doctor of dental medicine student) and appeared quite wealthy, judging by her Manolo shoes and Chanel purse.

Not only was she confident, Sam felt that she seemed over confident.  She told Sam that the reason she was still single was because she was too attractive and too successful.

This made me think about why there are so many people out there who are on the ‘prowl' for a significant other, but who also have overly inflated self esteem?

Is it because we were all brought up to feel that we have done well (teachers giving us gold stars for simply completing the homework assignment, certificates for participation etc.)?  Are we all living in bubbles?  What ever happened to modesty?

One of my guy friends was at a club recently.  He is a successful, genuinely nice guy.  He is very open and friendly and when you meet him, you quickly realize that he doesn't have any pretenses.

 

He was recently at a packed club and he accidentally spilled a girl's drink (it was just so packed in there, everyone walking around with their drinks makes for a recipe for disaster).  Now, I don't mean to be judgmental, but the girl was average looking (certainly did not look like Cynthia at Sam's club).

The girl was with her female friend and her female friend instantly piped up and said “HEY! You spilled her drink!!”  He realized what he had done and felt awful.  He immediately offered to buy her another drink.

The three of them went up to the bar and as they were waiting for the bartender to serve them, he decided to strike up some polite conversation with the girl whose drink he spilled.  Her friend meanwhile was very nonchalant looking and not engaging with my friend.  She was looking at her cellphone the entire time and was texting someone.  I think I saw some eye rolls in there as my friend was talking to her friend.

As my friend was talking to the girl, I noticed that she was very abrupt with him.  She barely made eye contact with him and was simply rude to him.  She was very short with her answers to his polite questions. They were making sure that they got right up to the bar so that they could watch to see if he was putting Roofies or drugs into her drink.

Judging from her ambivalent behaviour, it really seemed like she thought he was hitting on her by “ACCIDENTALLY” spilling her drink and therefore creating an excuse to buy her a drink and talk to her.  The friend also was talking about how she needs to see the drink to make sure he wasn't trying to drug her.

Really?

First of all, girls who are interested in trying to get picked up by guys should try not to be defensive 24/7.

Guys are not ALWAYS trying to get into your pants (lol, right??).  Sometimes some guys really are just nice and trying to be good people.

That being said, I'm sure there are a lot of guys who are good for nothing and are douche bags, but I think that if you have your back up 100% time, you close yourself to meeting genuinely nice guys.

I haven't been inside a club in a long time before this (I think the last time I went was a year ago) and it ALWAYS intrigues me to watch the behaviour of females and males in a club.  It's like watching the Discovery Channel.  Fascinating, really!

I recently read a great article in Vancouver Magazine titled “Do Vancouver Men Suck?” about how men are seemingly very casual, very passive in this city.  It could be because women here in Vancouver tend to be stuck up and think any guy who is “nice” to them and genuine is trying to get them into bed.

Readers, do you agree with me?  Do you think that there are a lot of Cynthia's out there?  Guys, do you find that girls seem to be on the defense when you try to strike up conversation with them?

 

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Young is a writer and former owner of Young and Thrifty and the main "twitter' behind Young and Thrifty's twitter account. She lives in Vancouver, BC and enjoys long walks on the beach, spending time with her anxious dog, and finding good deals. If you like what you read, consider signing up for email updates.

46 Comments

  1. Financial Samurai on January 25, 2012 at 9:39 am

    I actually really enjoy meeting and talking to stuck up, high-maintenance girls. Something about their Princessness intrigues me. It is SO fun to jibber jabber at a bar or club about bullshit, b/c the bar/club is all about bullshit airs!

    I can see how the ladies wanted to protect their drinks from a potential crafty dude. If you are a relatively attractive woman, you get hit on incessantly…. the unfortunate side-effect of which is that some good guys get mistaken.

    Guys always want to get in an attractive girls pants. It’s just the very skilled guy makes her never wonder, because she starts getting all over him.

    Best,

    Sam

    ps I was out more of a lounge. No clubbing for me!



  2. Roshawn @ Watson Inc on January 25, 2012 at 9:55 am

    There are several women on the defense, even in some unusual places. It used to bother me, but honestly I could care less in most instances now. I know my intentions, so being suspected of otherwise is generally their problem (as long as I am not doing anything to incite such suspicions). I’m over it, and hopefully they are too.



  3. retirebyforty on January 25, 2012 at 10:01 am

    Hilarious. I’m glad I don’t go to clubs anymore. It’s probably been over 10 years for me and I don’t miss it at all. You can’t even talk in there. I’d rather have a conversation at a restaurant or coffee shop.



  4. Jen on January 25, 2012 at 10:02 am

    There was a reply to that article: “Do Vancouver Women Suck?”:

    www.vanmag.com/News_…s_Response

    I agree with both articles and think that both sexes in Vancouver need to smarten up. I think it’s really hard to date in Vancouver and both parties are to blame. I’ve caught myself now and then with my guard up and I work to be friendlier and nicer to people. It’s ingrained or something, lol.

    Not everyone is trying to get in your pants, but some are. Who cares? Why not just have a conversation with someone regardless of whether you’re getting a drink, relationship or one night stand out of it?

    Isn’t getting a drink bought for you a good money saving tip and something to be applauded whether or not you like the other person? (failed attempt at humour)

    I like the non-money related blog post once and awhile 🙂



  5. Aloysa @ My Broken Coin on January 25, 2012 at 10:33 am

    People mostly look for one night stands in bars and clubs. At least this is how it seems here, in Salt Lake City. My girlfriend goes clubbing once a month (it seems to me) and every time she tells me about all the men she has to fight off. Every time I listen to her, I think “This is why I don’t go clubbing anymore.”



  6. Vicky on January 25, 2012 at 10:59 am

    I agree that there are a lot of Cynthia-types out there! I think the location of where you meet someone is important, as you would automatically make assumptions depending on the situation. Clubs definitely have the reputation of being the place for one night stands!



  7. Shawanda @ You Have More Than You Think on January 25, 2012 at 9:43 pm

    Confidence quickly turns into cockiness when you’re a jerk. It sounds like the woman your friend spilled the drink on was being super rude. That’s uncalled for. Particularly, when you’re average looking.

    At the risk of being drugged and raped, I wouldn’t let a guy I don’t know order a drink without me witnessing it being made. So I can understand her friend’s cautious attitude. However, I wouldn’t say, “Girl, you need to watch him. He’s probably a rapist!” Who’d say something like that?

    I’ve encountered guys who behave as if every woman is trying to get in their pants. All you have to say is “Hi” and they’re like “Did you meet my wife?” Fool, don’t nobody want you. Those guys are the worst.



  8. Ginger on January 25, 2012 at 9:04 pm

    I will point out that “They were making sure that they got right up to the bar so that they could watch to see if he was putting Roofies or drugs into her drink.” is what women are taught to avoid being raped. I would not take a drink from a stranger ever. I, too, would have gotten the drink from the bartender or watched to make sure the guy did not put anything in the drink. The rest, all I can say is, not all of us women are that bad, I promise.



  9. young on January 25, 2012 at 11:17 pm

    @Shawanda- That’s true- I think I would definitely do the same (haha I guess I don’t get offered drinks very often- a boyfriend certainly dampens my style). I would go up to the bar with the guy without acting suspicious or wary. However, I think it was the “way” that they did it, that I heard them say that, and that they seemed so ungrateful that annoyed me.



  10. young on January 25, 2012 at 11:19 pm

    @Ginger- Thanks Ginger for pointing that out. I think I would do the same as you (it’s been too long since I’ve been hit on obviously HAA!). As I said to Shawanda, I think that it’s the way they did it that ticked me off. If they were discreet and didn’t yell it out “Hurry Up and get to the bar and make sure he doesn’t put anything in your drink!” so I could hear, I don’t think I would have passed the same judgment.



  11. young on January 25, 2012 at 11:20 pm

    @Vicky- That’s true 🙂 However without liquid courage, I think most people (well here in Vancouver anyway) find it difficult to strike up conversation.



  12. young on January 25, 2012 at 11:21 pm

    @Aloysa- Lol I feel so old already (and I’m only 28!)- gone is my youth and appreciation for clubs and bars!



  13. young on January 25, 2012 at 11:23 pm

    @Jen- LOL I know what you mean about it being ingrained. If a cute guy comes and tries to talk to me, I immediately tense up and get shifty eyes, like “is he talking to me?” It’s hard to be open here, and I’m not sure why.

    I read that response article too- it was good! This Vancouver Mag article sure has gone viral in Vancouver.

    Haha, I think that getting a drink bought for you is a good money saving tip for sure. Maybe I should write a blog post about it (another failed attempt at humor lol)



  14. young on January 25, 2012 at 11:24 pm

    @retirebyforty- My sentiments exactly! And my ears hurt after leaving the establishment.



  15. young on January 25, 2012 at 11:26 pm

    @Roshawn- That’s good that you feel that way and let it roll off your back. My friend was a bit upset by it, because he didn’t want to be viewed as a sleazy guy (because he is not that type at all). I guess it could be all the sleazy guys that give a bad rep for all the good guys out there!



  16. young on January 25, 2012 at 11:28 pm

    @Financial Samurai- Thanks for the clarification 😉 lounges are better than clubs, IMO. At least the music isn’t blaring that badly and you don’t have to witness too much gyrating. The jibber jabber thing with the opposite sex- are you trying to understand the psychology behind their behaviour? I love eavesdropping on people trying to hit on other people. It’s like the Animal Kingdom, except more civilized. Sometimes.



  17. RossTaylorMoney on January 26, 2012 at 9:25 am

    Hey – nice to see an edgy post Y&T – shades of Nelson. I have three gorgeous adult daughters who have told me all I want to know about the club scene. I have even ventured recently into a couple or clubs with my wife in Las Vegas. The environment is certainly not my cup of tea – not sure it ever was – even in my prime, since there is no chance to get to know someone – just eyeball and hope for the best.

    Some truisms I would apply here. A good percentage of the attendees (both sexes) are hoping to get laid that night. Not all the women in attendance are there for that – they just like the vibe, the music, the whatever. The majority of the men are there for that and your male friend should understand that.

    I too would be mortified if I spilled a drink on someone, but I would not be so naive to think that my natural charm and lack of pretense will shine through – the girls are entitled to be wary – and shame on you women who make the comment about the girl being only average looking.



  18. Emily on January 26, 2012 at 9:39 am

    If you’re going out to clubs, you ask for all kinds of smut. IMHO. If you don’t want to deal with it, stay away from clubs.



  19. Leigh on January 26, 2012 at 8:30 am

    It is so hard to believe that not all guys are trying to get into your pants. I have plenty of guy friends who are good guys and of course they like sex, but they’re not going to try to sleep with every girl they meet either. I still have a hard time believing it though 😛

    I was in a club last weekend and it was so strange. I’m definitely past that phase. The music was way too loud to have a conversation LOL.



  20. Financial Samurai on January 26, 2012 at 10:41 am

    As someone who loves to write about the intricacies of relationships on my site, talking to people who I don’t normally talk to is very enjoyable. I want to know how they are the way they are, why they think about things, and more!



  21. Miss T @ Prairie Eco-Thrifter on January 26, 2012 at 9:05 am

    I think it all depends on what kind of message you are sending. If you are sending a message through your clothes and actions that you want to get laid tonight, then those are the people that are going to try to talk to you. If however you send a message of approachability but low key, honest, conversational people are going to approach you. There are always both kinds of people around us.



  22. popthoughts on January 26, 2012 at 10:10 am

    There is definitely something weird about Vancouver. I had to stop myself once when I was at a bar in the interior and was wondering why everyone was so damn nice. You could strike up a conversation with both guys and girls and there was no attitude.

    I’m just so glad I’m out of that scene. After I put the kids to bed by 9:00 I’m in my PJ’s watching the boob tube. =)



  23. Kellen on January 26, 2012 at 10:16 am

    I don’t usually get hit on in bars, but I would probably have been worried about the same thing as those girls – that the guy had done it on purpose and that I needed to be extra careful about watching my drink. I’d be careful about watching the drink anyway.

    What would you rather the girl had done? There’s a fine line between being rude and acting interested in someone in bars. Maybe she just didn’t want to give him the wrong impression. The second girl ignoring both of them and texting is a familiar story – I have known people who act like that when they’re out – more interested in texting everyone who is NOT there than in actually just being there.

    I suspect the girls just wanted to get the replacement drink and move on. There are enough sleezy guys out there that just because *your* friend is a nice guy, doesn’t mean that strangers can tell that.



  24. Bridget Bridget on January 26, 2012 at 12:23 pm

    I always find it best to assume NONE of the men are trying to get in your pants, and then you can be pleasantly surprised when they ask you on a date =)

    … Though I don’t think bars and clubs are the ideal place to meet people. Because so many men go there because it is a place you CAN pick up girls just for sex, I don’t think it’s totally out there to be on the defensive as a woman in a bar.

    I think I’m too old for the bar scene now anyway =\ haha



  25. wow on January 26, 2012 at 1:51 pm

    I cannot believe how this article was written, and most of the responses. This is so juvenile and judgmental, and frankly anti-women at times. Women should act modest? “What do you expect ladies?”! And average women shouldn’t be bitches?! Nice. It detracts from what good you do write. I will unsub now.



  26. young on January 26, 2012 at 5:57 pm

    @wow- I’m sorry, I really didn’t mean to offend anyone. The point of this blog post was to indicate that oftentimes, nice guys finish last. And that sometimes showing a little gratitude is probably very much appreciated (females to males, and males to females, and everybody!)

    I was just shocked by her behaviour as I was watching and I wanted to share that. Didn’t mean to offend you, but I understand if you want to unsub.



  27. young on January 26, 2012 at 5:59 pm

    @Bridget- I agree with you. It’s best to not have these assumptions because then you won’t come off as pompous. Well, the my guy friend was NOT into doing that (he’s not like that AT ALL) and he just wanted to be nice, but she took it the wrong way.

    Haha, so in conclusion, we’re all too old for the bar scene and I probably shouldn’t be going into these places and putting judgment on others lol.



  28. young on January 26, 2012 at 6:00 pm

    @Financial Samurai- That’s true, but maybe she’s putting up a ‘front’ to you. She may be trying to appear confident but in actuality, Cynthia may not be confident at all, so you won’t know how they are the way they are until you really really get to know her perhaps!



  29. young on January 26, 2012 at 6:02 pm

    @Leigh- Yeah, I guess i could say the majority of guys have ulterior motives, but this guy friend of mine, he’s seriously very very decent and doesn’t think like that at all.



  30. young on January 26, 2012 at 6:03 pm

    @Miss T- Thanks for the diplomatic approach 🙂 Well, neither party was dressed to look like they “wanted to get laid” but my guy friend is a low key guy and he was just trying to strike up conversation while they were waiting for the drink, but the girls didn’t want to talk at all. They just wanted to get their drink and leave.



  31. young on January 26, 2012 at 6:05 pm

    @Ross- Yeah, I knew I would strike a few cords with this post but the main point I was trying to get across was that there are some nice guys out there and they shouldn’t be struck down just because they are truly trying to be nice.



  32. young on January 26, 2012 at 6:06 pm

    @Kellen- That’s true- I was probably just offended ‘for’ my guy friend that they didn’t seem more grateful. I know he spilled his drink on her but they didn’t have to look like they were accusing him of doing it on purpose, you know?



  33. young on January 26, 2012 at 6:07 pm

    @popthoughts- That’s always refreshing! I’m glad I’m out of that scene too. It’s pretty daunting.



  34. young on January 26, 2012 at 6:07 pm

    @Emily- Annnnnd that’s what I plan to do.. 🙂 Not my cup of tea.



  35. Marissa @ Thirtsyixmonths on January 27, 2012 at 7:56 pm

    For the record- almost all of my best friends are guys. And they are very good looking guys. I have never seen them act douche baggy. I think there are always people (men or women) who look for attention and assume anyone who looks at them in the slightest manner wants to get in their pants.

    The sad part that people miss out on meeting some really great people because their defences are always up.



  36. Invest It Wisely on January 28, 2012 at 1:16 pm

    Haha, I read this a few days ago on my reader and laughed. Those two girls were a little paranoid weren’t they? Maybe they had a bad experience once though, or knew someone that had. We never know the whole story behind anything and can only guess.

    I have been long out of that scene, and I was never that suave anyways. At least on the bright side, I don’t care anymore because I have a girlfriend and I really care about her, so I have no intentions of leaving her. It changes things when you are in that position since you know that it doesn’t really matter and won’t change anything. 😉

    Maybe I’m too old now at 29, but I much prefer watching a movie at home or maybe going out with a few friends to the casino or something rather than being in a blaring club! Maybe can do that once in a blue moon. 😉



  37. Invest It Wisely on January 28, 2012 at 1:16 pm

    P.S. What happend to your permalinks?



  38. young on January 28, 2012 at 10:04 pm

    @Invest it Wisely- *whispers* what are permalinks? 🙁 I don’t really know what they are. I think there are links in this blog post, aren’t there?



  39. young on January 28, 2012 at 10:05 pm

    @Invest it Wisely- I’m in the same boat with you. I would rather go to the casino. There’s higher chance of winning there than at the club lol.



  40. young on January 28, 2012 at 10:17 pm

    @Marissa- I agree 🙂 I think there needs to be a fine balance between having your defenses up and letting your guard down so you can meet some genuinely nice (and good looking) people.

    PS Are your best friends single? LOL.



  41. My Own Advisor on January 29, 2012 at 10:41 am

    Ha, funny stuff.

    Like Sam, I always got a kick out of talking (or trying to talk) to some high-maintenance women. Their arrogance is actually very entertaining. You can sometimes get to the point where you’re making fun of them, and they don’t even know it because it’s all about them – they are SO into themselves. That said, some men are the same.

    Going out to clubs is so over for me. I mean, I’m in my late-30s now. It was fun at 21 when I could stay up until 4 am. I think the last time I was at a club, it was a stag night last year. I felt very out of place.

    If I’m going to out, with my wife, friends, whatever, I want a nice place for food and drink. Give me some nice restaurant or lounge to hang and spend a couple of hours whereby I can actually hear myself think and carry a conversation about something meaningful…not listening to some new trance music from Denmark.

    Damn, I sound too much like an old goat don’t I? Sorry about that 🙂

    Mark



  42. young on January 31, 2012 at 9:31 pm

    @MOA- Hey, I’m starting to sound like an old goat too. I think I should change my name to not-so-young-and-thrifty lol. LOL new trance music from Denmark- yeah, I don’t understand that whole culture either! Everyone seems to be into it.. like the electric circus or whatnot?



  43. Money Buddy Credit Cards on February 4, 2012 at 9:04 pm

    Another important point is that alot of girls do have money these days so men are not the only ones who are controlling the relationship with the money.



  44. young on February 7, 2012 at 12:16 pm

    @Money Buddy- Yup, like me! I’m the household finances person in our household.



  45. H.H.H on February 18, 2012 at 11:37 am

    Some Women are not into Men but other Women, and as for High Maintenance Types, Why Bother?



  46. young on February 20, 2012 at 12:44 am

    @HHH- ??



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