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To be honest, I thought that wedding planning wouldn’t be this stressful.  Obviously I am probably adding stress when it’s not even necessary (sometimes that seems to be the story of my life haha).  I am a detailed oriented and organized person, and my fiancee is also very organized and is not a procrastinator, and even this is a pretty big feat for both of us.  Now I understand why people choose to have destination weddings with just family and a few friends.  Now I understand why people just get married at city hall.

1. People are Going to Give you Unsolicited Advice

With wedding planning recently, I had a thought….Does ‘adulting’ constitute to being given unsolicited advice from people you talk to?  Because I think I have officially entered adulthood.  Having children will probably make the unsolicited advice and judgments occur with even more frequency from family and friends.

I have never experienced so many people giving me unsolicited advice before.  And it seems to strike people with such passion and shock.  “You can’t NOT have a videographer!”  “What, you’re not doing paper invitations?”  “What, you are thinking of silk flowers for centrepieces?  You can’t do that!” “You have to have a Photo Booth!”  “You’re not going to have entertainment?” “You bought your dress ONLINE?” “You’re not inviting So-and-so relative?”  “You should have a champagne toast!” “You’re not going to have mixed drinks?”

Yes, those are things that people have been saying to me.

Basically they are all saying to me “Why are you being so cheap?”  Haha.

2. When You Budget, You Become Obsessed with Saving $12

I am not a monthly budgeter and I know why I’m not.  When you have a wedding budget you become kind of obsessive about $12, when in the grand scheme of things, it’s $12.  It’s less than the price of brunch and eggs benedict.  But $12 in a wedding budget can be a deal breaker in terms of keeping on budget.  Every little thing adds up, even if it’s $5.  And then you feel like crap because you have to add something to your wedding budget, or you went over in a category of your wedding budget.

When my fiancees’ suit was ordered and the price came out to less than we thought it was, all I could think about was “great!  I can take out $12 from the wedding budget!”  Which is a ridiculous thought to have because really it’s just $12.

3. It’s Hard to Save Money Unless you Get Married at City Hall

Even if you are pretty frugal, it’s hard to save money unless you get married at city hall.  Or you have the wedding in your backyard and serve everyone hotdogs.  Every little thing adds up.  When you have a photographer, that’s at least $2000.  Even skimping on centrepieces with a florist, you might still end up paying over $700 on flowers and flower paraphernalia.  Even buying a dress online instead of spending $1500 doesn’t save a big amount out of the wedding budget.  A veil can run up to $200.  I can definitely see why the average cost of weddings in 2015 is the price that it is.  There is some serious wedding inflation going on.

4. You Will Feel this Sense of Pressure

That probably culminates or peaks on your big day.  If you’re a people pleaser (I am a reformed people pleaser, though it does creep up on me sometimes) this will probably be a difficult challenge for you.  You will need to develop a new daily mantra that you repeat to yourself daily until you reach your wedding day.  It goes like this:


When you have so many different people and so many different personalities all sitting together (even though they are your friends and family who probably inherently share some similar values to you)  you are bound to have people wanting different things or thinking things should be a certain way for themselves.

It’s you and your fiancees wedding and not their wedding.  Do you want you want to as a couple.

5. You Will Cave on Certain Things

Because everyone gives you unsolicited advice and you feel this sense of pressure, you may cave on some things, like a champagne toast or  a Photo Booth.  If you are still under budget you will be tempted to add a thing here or there to create the wedding of your dreams or add to the ambiance that you wanted.

When you spend so much time researching on how to make a DIY Photo Booth and you realize that you will only be saving $100 if you go this route, you will cave and just hire a Photo Booth rental.  And then you will breathe a sigh of relief because that’s one less thing to organize have someone attend to during your wedding.

Again, you will have to go back and review the top three things you wanted at your wedding with your significant other and see if these added things encompass the initial ‘wants and needs’ for your wedding.

6. People Will Ask you How Wedding Planning is Going… All the Time

People will always ask how wedding planning is going.  Maybe they think that brides or grooms like to talk about it.  Maybe they understand that it is all consuming.

And then when you tell them how it’s going or they ask details about how it’s going, they will do item number 1. People are Going to Give you Unsolicited Advice.

Then you will feel item number 4. You Will Feel a Sense of Pressure.

And then you may or may not do number 5.  You Will Cave on Some Things

You see, it’s all a vicious cycle.

Probably better to just be quiet and say it’s going “great” with a big smile on your face and walk away from the water cooler and back to your cubicle.  Ignorance is bliss, right?

7. It’s Going to Be a Good Test of Your Values as a Couple

Finally with wedding planning, it will be a good barometer or test of your values and your conflict resolution and communication skills as a couple.  You know how they tell you to sit down after you are engaged and talk about your three most important things (e.g. keeping under budget is very important, a good photographer is very important, a dance is very important etc.) with your significant other and compromise by having those things?  Well, they are right, it’s very important.  Otherwise, you end up getting derailed.

I am by no means a bridezilla, but when I hear “oh you should do this, oh you should do that” multiple times whenever I talk to someone about wedding planning, it kind of wears on you and it’s hard to keep the priorities straight.  It’s easy to get derailed.

Now, I can definitely see why people have wedding planners, to coordinate all of this and decrease the level of stress on the bride and groom.    I am not going to let it completely consume my life and will continue to repeat the mantra of not being able to please everyone when I wake up in the mornings.

Readers, what was it like for you planning a wedding?  Did you experience these seven feelings as well when you were wedding planning?

Article comments

Erl and Pat Kohn says:

50 years ago we were 19 and 21when we married. All we wanted to do was start our lives together. The wedding day did not matter and we let our parents do the planning. The quality of the marriage has nothing to do with the wedding day. We still feel young and that is why we are devoted to your young and Thrifty website. Your advice is for all ages.Whether you have a cast of thousands or Minnie and Mickey Mouse as witnesses, it doesn’t matter.

Kyle says:

That’s such a cool sentiment Erl and/or Pat! Congrats on 50 years!!!

Young says:

@E&P Kohn- Well said!! I agree! The best unsolicited advice a friend said was “spend as little as possible!”