And This is Why I’m Going to be Single Forever

I recently read some great posts from both Nelson from Financial Uproar (yeah, who knew that nelson could write a good post and be sentimental and thoughtful?  He doesn't just always write about chips and boobs apparently (ahaha just kidding Nelson, had to get my revenge for you dumping our internet relationship)) and Krystal from Give Me Back my Five Bucks.

In these posts, both writers give a personal finance blogger and a male and female perspective on looking for a life partner and considering their money management and debt levels.

I think that it boils down to our traditional gender roles/ prehistoric days (okay go ahead and slam me for being ignorant lol) but for women, I think it matters whether the guy that they are considering is organized with his life, is goal directed, and doesn't have $50,000 in consumer debt because he likes driving nice cars and doesn't believe in saving money.

And This is Why I'm Going to be Single ForeverSo looking at prehistoric ideals back when we were cave people…For most guys, they really only care about finding a woman who will be supportive, who will be kind, and who are attractive.  This probably explains why Nelson doesn't care about a girl's financial status, as long as she doesn't light $100 bills on fire for a hobby.  Alternately, for women, we may care about whether the guy will be a provider.

That being said, at the same time, it turns me off when guys are too cheap (there is a difference between frugal and cheap.  I am frugal and I don't spend very much money on myself but I am generous with my friends and family)… as with the rebound guy I dated who got me jewelry off the internet for Valentine's Day because it was 70% off.

Yeah you can call me shallow and ungrateful and judgmental haha.  This is why I will end up being alone and a dog-lady haha.

So Does Money Matter?

Well… I think it kind of does… for me anyway.  And I'll probably say something different two years later and still haven't found my life partner and continue to have my fertility and ovaries shrivel up before my eyes haha.

You see, I think it matters because whether we like it or not, money is symbolic of our values.  Money is symbolic of what we want to do with our life and can give us access to fulfilling our values, or what we want out of our lives.

For me, I make money and save my money in hopes of living a financially comfortable lifestyle and in hopes of spending my money traveling and exploring the world.  I don't want to scrimp and save every penny (a la Trent Hamm from The Simple Dollar) and at the same time, I don't want to go out weekly for fancy dinners and spend thousands of dollars buying material goods like shoes or clothes on an annual basis.

I know that you do live only once and we don't know how long our lives will be.  I have heard too many stories of people who died of cancer or a heart attack one week after they retired, one week after they saved all their life to actually enjoy life in retirement.

I've learned one thing out of this whole ordeal, being with someone for 7.5 years and hoping that he would change, would quit smoking, would be nicer to me and would stop taking me for granted.  I know that men, rarely rarely change and we should not be dating them for the “potential” that they can be.

So yeah, if he's $50,000 in debt at age 34 and wants to continue living the You Live Only Once mentality to the extreme, he will continue to be like this more likely than not.

Once a PF Blogger, Always a…?

It's really funny.  Krystal remarked about how we don't realize that we are a minority… us money minded people.  It's true.  I have met  many men who are in their mid to late thirties who don't invest in the stock market and don't have a Tax Free Savings Account or hadn't heard of the term before.

Sure I know that people can be influenced and people can change, but I just don't want to bank on it.  Pardon the pun.

Readers, do you care about good-financial-standing?

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Young is a writer and former owner of Young and Thrifty and the main "twitter' behind Young and Thrifty's twitter account. She lives in Vancouver, BC and enjoys long walks on the beach, spending time with her anxious dog, and finding good deals. If you like what you read, consider signing up for email updates.

3 Comments

  1. Liquid on August 4, 2013 at 9:41 pm

    I think anyone can change no matter what kind of background they come from. But it’s a lot easier to change one’s mind about money matters at a younger age rather than later in life. I agree that guys don’t care as much about finding a financially responsible partner as the ladies are. I have no problem dating someone who has $100K of consumer debt. I’d be a hypocrite otherwise 🙂 But I know many women who won’t date guys with that kind of financial baggage. I don’t think that’s being shallow. It’s just human nature 😉 Money can translate into power, stability, and comfort :0)

    On a reality tv show that I recently watched, a matchmaking service gave a Vancouver woman a choice of 4 potential guys to date. 3 of which are millionaires, and 1 is a billionaire. Guess which one the she ended up choosing? I almost sh@t bricks when I saw who the billionaire was since he’s one of the most respected Canadian investors I know, very recognizable 🙂 Vancouver is full of successful and attractive men 🙂 Some of them won’t commit as easily as others but there’s still lots of opportunities out there for you. That woman in the show is like 50 by the way.



  2. anonymous on August 5, 2013 at 12:14 am

    A lot of people have that mentality “you only live once” so they don’t want to save money. This starts with how they are raised I believed. Usually the parents are like this as well.

    I use to say to people “you could die tomorrow…. but you could also live to your 90”.. I say saving and investing a percentage of your income of the top should be the first thing you do when getting paid. The earlier you start the better. We have all seen the examples of people who invested early and stopped after a bit and let the compounding continue on to retirement as compared to a person who started later and kept making contributions until retirement.

    I believe it in 2 ways to pay yourself first.
    (1) save a percentage of your income from a job everytime you are paid. Then invest this money along with the dividends you received until retirement. This is basically living below your means.

    (2) The other way is expanding your means.. Pay Yourself First a certain percentage of all income no matter where it came from (job, interest, dividends, capital gains, rental income, option premiums, business…). Your amount of saving will increase but so will income as your income besides getting a raise from a job.



  3. Little D on August 7, 2013 at 12:05 pm

    I’m 29, single, and have my financial “house in order” … I own my own home, don’t have consumer debt, and I don’t live paycheque to paycheque. To answer your question, money definitely matters. I have no interest in being with someone who is clueless about money, doesn’t work, or spends with reckless abandon. Like you said above, it comes down to values, and someone who views money in a completely different way than I do, is not likely going to be aligned with my values. Not to mention, I don’t want to be supporting someone else, so if the person doesn’t have their own financial house in order, then it’s a deal breaker for me.



  4. […] And This is Why I’m Going to be Single Forever – I think (or hope, anyway) that Young and Thrifty’s title is an overstatement, but looking at men, women, money and relationships is interesting. […]



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