How to Ask for Money Instead of Wedding Gifts (Tactfully)

According to the Globe and Mail the average wedding costs over $25,000 these days.  It doesn’t make much sense to go into debt when you’re just beginning your new life together (especially considering that financial stress can be so destructive to relationships).  After the lavish one-day celebration, there’s the rest of your life that needs to happen!  To me, starting your life together in consumer debt (not to mention student loan debt, and/or credit card debt from each individual) whilst at the same time trying to save up for a down payment for a home together doesn’t make much sense.  Doing this while having 3 toasters, 2 blenders, and a partridge in a pear tree that you received as wedding gifts, makes even less rational sense.

How to Ask for Money Instead of Wedding Gifts

Wedding Cash Rules Everything Around Me

Now, before some of the easily-offended traditional types out there start spamming our Twitter feed with posts that included the words “entitled, snotty, ungrateful, Millennials” hear me out.  This whole wedding gift scenario is really the perfect example of opportunity cost, overall utility, and basic economic thought. 

Let me put it this way, is there any way that one of your friends and family could possibly know EXACTLY what you want to do with the money they are spending on a gift?  In other words, can anyone spend money on your behalf better and more efficiently than you could? 

Obviously not – you have the best idea of what you want or need, so at best, your friends and family might hit 70-80% right?  You’ll likely get several of some gifts, other gifts you’ll never really use at all, and even the gifts that are purchased off your wedding registry might have only been listed because you felt pressured to make a registry in the first place!  This doesn’t mean you are ungrateful for the heartfelt sentiments behind the gifts, it simply means that in an absolute economic sense, if people want others to get as much utility and enjoyment out of their gift as possible, then we should simply give cash.  The other alternative would be to simply do away with the social convention of giving wedding gifts all together – but I doubt this will happen any time soon.

All this to say, please don’t automatically label me a thoughtless jerk!  I’m just saying what most young couples are thinking when it comes to opening wedding gifts!

A Whole New World

Many couples these days are shacking up prior to getting married.  For these folks, it makes sense to share the shelter costs and to “test the waters” out by cohabitating before marriage.  Therefore, many couples already have a toaster, a blender, linens, silverware, glassware, furniture, electronics, etc.  This is quite a change from 1-2 generations ago when most couples did not live together before marriage, (or at least felt a lot of social pressure not to admit this was the case) got married at a younger age, and consequently could really use a lot of these life-starter items.

The one thing that young couples who already live together (and even those who don’t) often don’t have, and really, really need: money.

Cash money guarantees that you will give a happy couple the most bang for your buck.  The newlyweds can use that gift for wherever the need is greatest.  Perhaps it can help pay for a honeymoon.  Responsible young folks might use it to jump start a housing down payment or just store in their high interest savings account.  (I prefer those at online banks – see our Tangerine review and promo code article for more details.)  At the very least it can offset the costs of a wedding.  (Although your wedding costs and honeymoon will be well within your budget after you read the rest of our wedding articles right?)

Money-vs-gift-1

How to Remain Tactful While Asking for Money as a Preferred Wedding Gift

It’s weird how the same culture that came up with the money dance considers it a social faux pas to communicate to guests that you would prefer money if they wish to give a gift.  While most people I talk to that are under 35 sort of get “it” when it comes to modern wedding gift giving, I think it’s fair to say the most popular belief or social norm out there is that asking directly for money from your guests is tacky. 

So, like so many weird conventions these days, you need to be particularly tactful navigating this potential minefield.  The last thing you want to do is offend your great aunt right?  The strategy I’ve seen used the most effectively is to shamelessly use your wedding party and maybe sympathetic immediate family (feel out where your parents and siblings stand on this) to quietly disperse the information that you’d really prefer cash to another set of towels.

Then you can use your official wedding invitation to say something along the lines of “no gift needed – your presence is your gift”.  Truthfully, because I’m a super weird economics geek I don’t mind people not giving me a gift one bit!  After all, I invited you to my wedding as a guest, there should be absolutely zero expectation of a gift.  However, if you are going to use your hard-earned money to give me a gift, I want it to generate the most amount of good possible!

Cash Wedding Registries

There are a few sites that do cash wedding registries.  This means that your guests can pay for their wedding gift online and the money gets transferred to your bank account when you want to “cash out”.  For many of these sites, you can create a page where you could explain where their cash gift is going towards (e.g. a honeymoon, or a down payment on your new home, a renovation).  You can even decorate it all nicely with your engagement photos and explain how you met etc. etc.  Again, I’ve noticed a bit of a generational divide here where young people think this is a great idea (who doesn’t want to feel like they were part of sending the happy couple on a great honeymoon?) but it can rub some of the more traditional crowd the wrong way.

Money-vs-gift-2-1
  •  Wedistry Their slogan is “for wedding gifts outside the box.” They are Canadian based. You can personalize your website by adding details about the wedding day, add some photos… all the good stuff.  Of course they’re making money off you but how much?  They take 5% off the top from any gifts (but no extra charges to guests) to you and charge you $25 when you “cash out.”  So, let’s say you have 150 people and each gives $100 to Wedistry.  It will cost you $750 but you’ll have $14,250 instead of a toaster, a blender, an iron….

  • Cash Wedding Gifthas a slightly tackier title.  They’re seen on The Knot and are part of the Better Business Bureau (so they must be good).  The gift givers get charged $4.99 processing fee and an additional 3.9% of the gift they’re giving.  They use an example of it costing $108.89 for a $100 cash gift.  You can include a wedding registry video.  For this reason I don’t think I’ll be using it if I ever get married lol (the idea of talking in front of a camera scares me!)

  • Our Wishing WellPerhaps the most tactful name -this website isn’t unique to weddings but can include other events like birthdays, babies, fundraisers, housewarmings.  The good thing is that the guests don’t have to pay a fee.  There is a “cash out” fee when you withdraw and it’s a tiered system depending on how much money you withdraw.  The unique thing about Our Wishing Well is that it’s not money specific and has gift cards etc. that you can ask for.  The other “plus” of this company is that they accept most major currencies.

I’d like to reiterate that the goal of asking for money as a wedding gift shouldn’t be to soak your guests for as much as you can, or to convey you don’t appreciate the thought behind another gift if they choose to go that route.  It’s more about communicating the reality of most weddings and marriages today.  Young adults have towels, pots & pans, and a TV.  Want they don’t have (but likely really want) is money for a down payment, or to help make student debt disappear.  At the end of the day, couples shouldn’t demand a gift of any kind – that’s the truly tacky part!  However, if you do wish to give a gift, the aim is likely to give as much happiness to your loved ones as possible right?  If the most efficient way to do that is currency, why should that carry such a stigma?

Readers, do you think asking for money is tacky or do you think it’s just common sense in the face of a rapidly changing tradition?

61 Comments

  1. Steve @ Grocery Alerts on April 26, 2012 at 8:13 am

    Personally, our wedding was incredible at a winery. We even had an open bar.

    In saying that I am not sure what else we would cut to reduce the cost. It was worth every penny to marry to woman of my dreams!

    I think all or most of these registries are a waste of time.

    At our wedding (3 years ago), we mostly received cash but whenever a gift is given it should not be expected.



  2. Helly on April 26, 2012 at 9:01 am

    Fascinating! All the more reason to keep weddings small and intimate. Less hassle, planning-wise, less cost (obviously!) and more time to spend quality time with people you really care about, rather than flitting from table to table after dinner, spending 2 minutes at each one.

    I don’t think that preferring cash gifts instead of useless household items is tacky itself, but I do think you have to be careful about how you present it, ’cause it’s really easy to sound tacky.

    That Wedistry site sounds pretty cool. I’d much rather they take out the money from the recipient instead of the giver, like the other site. I know that as a giver I’d feel a bit put off if they charged me fees AND a fixed percent overhead charge. Double whammy! Yes, I am aware that I pay that same amount extra in sales tax when I buy regular items, but this is just… I dunno, it would feel “scammy” to me as a gift-giver.

    I have friends who got married a few years ago and set up a really tiny wedding gift registry, since they lived in a studio in NYC and didn’t have room for many household goods. But parallel to that, they set up a “honeymoon” registry — I REALLY liked the idea of buying them special things (like a snorkeling adventure, or even basic things like a nice dinner) to help them create treasured memories. I’m definitely a fan of said “honeymoon registries”!



  3. Honey on April 26, 2012 at 9:14 am

    My fiance and I are asking for cash, I looked at these sites but chose Honeyfund because the money goes directly from your guests to you so there are absolutely NO FEES. Basically, you “register” for cash in various denominations (say, 20 gifts of $50), say what it’s for (“down payment on a house”) and when the guest clicks on it, they print a nifty little free certificate to include with the check. That way you know what everyone’s doing, the guest knows what they are contributing toward, and you keep all the cash. They do have a premium service with a monthly charge if you want no ads on your Honeyfund site, but it didn’t bother me (the ads aren’t super intrusive).



  4. Modest Money on April 26, 2012 at 9:15 am

    I could see some guests being a little put off by the idea, but it is a real need in today’s world. People just don’t need a whole bunch of new possessions, often just to replace the ones they already have. If guests really care about the couple’s future, they would see that money would help them much more. I think the problem guests have with giving money is that it really sets an exact price on what they’re giving, whereas with a physical gift they can try to save a bit of money by buying a lower end brand name or shopping at a discount store.



  5. Liquid Independence on April 26, 2012 at 9:50 am

    I only like gifts that I can use, and I can always use money :D. In some cultures gold is a popular gift at weddings. I’ll gladly accept either ore when I get married 🙂



  6. Remy @MLISunderstanding on April 26, 2012 at 9:56 am

    Well, you could just not have a $25,000 wedding. Going into debt for one special day is something that my sweetie and I feel very strongly about avoiding. We’ve been saving up since the engagement, and feel confident about our ability to pay for a small, simple ceremony and reception with our immediate family and closest friends, followed by a punch and cake church reception the next day, and a brief in-state honeymoon — by ourselves, in cash. If folks are generous enough to give us items from our registry or money, of course we’ll be grateful. But planning to hold a wedding that will be financed by anticipated cash gifts isn’t a plan.



  7. From Shopping to Saving on April 26, 2012 at 12:16 pm

    I like this idea! It’s a very touchy subject especially for people who insist on getting gifts from a registry, but to be honest – I just want cash!!! I don’t intend to spend a lot on the wedding itself, a MAX of $10k, IF THAT! I just want it to be a special day, and I want to be married to the one I love. Can’t get any better than that. Oh wait, yeah it can – if we manage to keep our debt under control.



  8. youngandthrifty on April 26, 2012 at 4:38 pm

    Yes! Not that I’m engaged or anything, but my crazy long-term girlfriend alter ego has been thinking about what kind of wedding I want.

    I hated the flitting from table to table spending 2 minutes at each one! I went to a large wedding last year 200+ people? And the bride talked to my table for 30 seconds.

    I felt kind of rejected even though I was just a lowly guest haha. But it was a fun wedding because it was open bar.

    Yeah totally agree- the $100 a guest gives shouldn’t be $104.95! It doesn’t look as “clean” and is certainly very off putting.



  9. youngandthrifty on April 26, 2012 at 4:40 pm

    Yeah that’s true. When I bought crystal glassware at the The Bay on the registry, it was coincidentally 50% off that day!



  10. youngandthrifty on April 26, 2012 at 4:41 pm

    Gold! Sah-weet!

    That must be really expensive to give nowadays give gold prices so high.



  11. youngandthrifty on April 26, 2012 at 4:42 pm

    @Remy- Good for you! Yes, that’s true- you don’t want to take a loan out for your wedding. Ideally it should be paid for in cash, and if cash gifts are given then it’s great to have that offset. However, taking a loan out for the wedding isn’t ideal… but I’m not sure how these people are paying for their $25K weddings. Many people don’t have that kind of money lying around I don’t think.



  12. youngandthrifty on April 26, 2012 at 4:44 pm

    Yeah me too! $10K max for a wedding. $25K sounds way too excessive! And really, it’s just ONE day. It doesn’t matter. It’s the union and the partnership of the couple that counts- no point wasting $25K and then divorcing 1 year later (because many couples are now divorcing within 1 year)

    I have some posts coming up on how to save money for a wedding dress and other wedding stuff.

    Inspired by a friend’s experience (haha not mine!)

    So stay tuned!



  13. youngandthrifty on April 26, 2012 at 4:45 pm

    @BTI- Awesome!! That would be my goal but I sound really selfish in saying that. Yeah, a friend I know actually made $5K from her wedding! she had some very generous relatives.



  14. youngandthrifty on April 26, 2012 at 4:47 pm

    Hahaha! Awe that’s awesome! Oh dear, they didn’t throw loonies and toonies at him did they? This sounds like a good tradition!!



  15. youngandthrifty on April 26, 2012 at 4:48 pm

    Thanks for the tips- I like the “no boxed gifts preferred” that’s pretty tactful but the ‘cash preferred’ sounds a bit off putting.

    I’m taking that you prefer cash instead of gifts too for your future wedding?



  16. BeatingTheIndex on April 26, 2012 at 3:59 pm

    Definitely take money instead of gifts, that’s what we did and we ended up almost breaking even on the wedding.



  17. mycanuckbuck on April 26, 2012 at 6:05 pm

    Tough call. I think it’s nice if you can spread the word informally. We got half gifts and half cash – and both were great. My brother lived in a small place, and really tried to avoid getting gifts. I think as long as you don’t expect a “set amount” (say, enough to cover the guest’s dinner), than asking for cash (tactfully!) is fine.



  18. eemusings on April 26, 2012 at 4:31 pm

    I’ve only been invited to two weddings. Both asked for money on the invite. One said “no boxed gifts preferred” and the other – a very casual affair – worded it something like “cash preferred”.

    I’m not sure how I’ll word it on mine, but I’m definitely not worried about offending anyone’s sensibilities. They all know us better than that.



  19. Taylor on April 26, 2012 at 4:33 pm

    We asked our family to spread the news about our cash preferences and didn’t register anywhere. Still there were still some family members that insisted on a registry so that they could buy us something tangible.

    There is a French Northern Ontario tradition called the “sock dance” where if the oldest son is unmarried at the time of his younger sibling’s wedding then he has to dance in funny bright socks (with pom poms) and the family throws money at him. We didn’t have a dance at our wedding but we still got my brother-in-law to do this – it was hilarious! And we made $20!



  20. Earth and Money on April 26, 2012 at 5:12 pm

    For our wedding this summer, because its a potluck wedding, we’re actually having a no gift policy. If people supply the food for the wedding, that saves us a TON of money, we don’t end up with a TON of stuff we don’t know, want or have room for, and no one has to feel bad about it. Win-win!
    And even with that, I will not be surprised if people do bring us money anyway. But we have made it very clear that we don’t want material gifts unless someone is buying us a condo to put it all in. 😀



  21. Pamela @ FabulousSavings.ca on April 27, 2012 at 7:14 am

    I wish they’d had those gift registry sites around when I got married 🙂 We also struggled with just how to ask people for money, but since we got married in my home province, fortunately most people understood that it would have been difficult to lug a bunch of stuff back home on the plane. Also, many guests called my mother to ask what we needed and she tactfully told them money was preferred.



  22. Vicky on April 27, 2012 at 10:18 am

    I think it is more normal as I have been receiving more invites where cash is preferred as they are saving up for furniture or a down payment. I personally prefer giving cash as I know that it would definitely be used, rather than an item that may end up in storage. In the past, if I know where they are heading for their honeymoon, I would give them cash in that currency.

    Personally, I’m a bit fortunate in the sense that giving cash for weddings is more traditional anyways. 🙂



  23. Tackling Our Debt on April 27, 2012 at 1:34 pm

    This can be a touchy situation. In certain cultures a monetary gift is the traditional wedding gift, but other cultures frown on this and want to buy the couple something to remember them by. In our family the older generation always does monetary gifts for two reasons – they understand how much a wedding can cost, and they simply do not want to go shopping. 🙂



  24. CMV on April 27, 2012 at 11:44 am

    It’s tacky, tacky, tacky! There is no gracious way to ask for it. And if you”ve got the credit card debt, student loan debt. etc. you have no business having the fancy wedding at $25K/honeymoon and then asking your family & friends to bail you out!



  25. Janine on April 27, 2012 at 2:22 pm

    Great post! I didn’t know those online options was available. Getting married is definitely expensive and I think this is a great option for couples who are going to be hit with a lot of expenses in a short period of time. I am definitely going to consider it for my wedding!



  26. femmefrugality on April 27, 2012 at 8:12 pm

    I didn’t even know sites like this existed. Good to know!



  27. youngandthrifty on April 28, 2012 at 12:30 am

    I know! I had no idea until my friend told me about them!



  28. youngandthrifty on April 28, 2012 at 12:31 am

    Awe Vicky that’s sweet- being considerate enough to give cash in the honeymoon currency.



  29. youngandthrifty on April 28, 2012 at 12:32 am

    I know eh? The internet has really revolutionalised the way we do much of our daily activities.

    Good to hear it worked out for you in the end!



  30. youngandthrifty on April 28, 2012 at 12:33 am

    @E&M- Ahhh potluck weddings are the best! That saves you a ton of money! It’s more heart felt and a great conversation starter- way to go E&M!



  31. youngandthrifty on April 28, 2012 at 12:34 am

    @MCB- Yes of course- I think most hosts are happy that their guests are able to attend and don’t want to push it upon their guests a “set amount”. However as a guest, I always try and make sure I cover my own plate (I know it’s tacky I do that but that’s me! lol).



  32. ShortRoadTo on April 29, 2012 at 5:19 am

    These are all great tips. But, the vast majority of people will not like the idea of the bride and groom asking for money. It makes them feel obligated to give more, otherwise they may look cheap.



  33. Eddie on April 29, 2012 at 6:56 am

    Anyone not wanting to take on debt should not have a $25K wedding. Spreading the word on the cash preference to close family members is OK, letting the guests know you prefer cash is still tacky.

    I liked your article either way YT, asking for cash is just something I wouldn’t do personally, but that’s just me.



  34. Country Girl on April 29, 2012 at 8:52 pm

    I’m not opposed to people asking for cash gifts. In fact, I’d rather give cash than pick a gift off a registry that is just full of items meant to fill a house. One would hope. Cash gift is going towards he cost of the wedding as opposed to a new wardrobe or something like that.



  35. Teacher Man on April 30, 2012 at 6:46 pm

    Wow… is it possible to be in love with the family before you meet the girl? 😉



  36. Teacher Man on April 30, 2012 at 6:47 pm

    That’s a little harsh isn’t it CMV? Social norms are such weird things to think about rationally. When you really stop and look at the whole forest why are we all ok with giving presents the person probably doesn’t need, yet asking for money is such a moral travesty?



  37. Teacher Man on April 30, 2012 at 6:49 pm

    Your personally invited to my wedding in this Vicky! The vast majority of gifts have much less marginal utility than cold hard cash. What a weird and inefficient market behaviour right?



  38. Teacher Man on April 30, 2012 at 9:44 pm

    It’s easier and has a better marginal utility for all involved. What’s not to like there right?



  39. Helly on May 1, 2012 at 12:43 pm

    So this is kinda off-topic, but I’m curious as to what your “alter ego” thinks, especially as it relates to the cost factor:

    What do you make of matching bridesmaid dresses?

    I’ve always personally been a fan of the rare bride who lets her bridesmaids pick their own dresses, so long as they conform to a set color scheme. It has so many advantages: 1) the bridesmaids can better control the cost of the dress, 2) they can pick something they KNOW will fit their body type (why does everything have to be strapless these days!?!?) and 3) they can pick something they will like and possibly reuse at some other event.

    The only disadvantage I could envision is that maybe the bridal party will look a little haphazard, but honestly? The main focus should be on the bride anyway, and so long as the party is somewhat uniform (i.e. same colors), what should the style matter?

    I am actually sort of grateful that I’ve never been asked to be a bridesmaid. I don’t know how I would react if I were expected to shell out money for a dress that doesn’t suit me. I know I’d balk at the strapless varieties that are popular these days– I just don’t have the body for it!



  40. Young on May 1, 2012 at 4:43 pm

    @Helly- I like the idea of matching bridesmaid dresses, or even the same fabric but maybe in different designs depending on the personality/ body shape of the bridesmaids. LOL strapless is okay with me- it’s the halter style or one shoulders that get me. I end up looking like a quarterback hahaha. In the last wedding I was at (bridesmaid), I had this grecian type dress with a one shoulder style. Everyone matched and the pics looked fantastic!



  41. Brenda on September 19, 2012 at 9:22 am

    Tacky to put on invitations. Okay to have family and close friends hint. No gift at all should be expected when you invite guests to celebrate a special occasion. Plan a wedding/honeymoon/reno you can afford (my husband and I worked extra shifts to cover cost of our wedding) – any money you receive from guests will feel like a bonus!



  42. mkl on January 21, 2013 at 2:14 pm

    ALL the GIFT registry sites charge the bride and groom a % of the money ocllected on the website, including honeyfund!! there fees are hidding in the pages you have to fine them. it ranges from 3%-10%

    I am getting married in August and like others my Fiance and i have an 7 year old daughter we own our house and have everythign we need. Only think we really want is a nice honeymoon and maybe money for debt or basement renos. Its hard, because i as a guest always give cash its just easier. but i dont want to ask or it as a Bride. The cash resgistries are a good idea, just sucks they take some of your money.



  43. Vee on June 11, 2014 at 3:33 pm

    My fiance and I are getting married in 3 months. We just handed our invite to his mother and she’s appalled that we put “monetary gifts preferred” in super tiny font at the bottom of the card. *sigh*. In my culture/tradition, you don’t even have a gift table at the wedding. From the 50+ family weddings I have been to (extremely large family), I have never seen a single gift brought or a gift table. You always see money/card cages or something of that sort. In his culture/tradition, you register for gifts and that’s what people bring you. Apparently, giving money is frowned upon at a wedding. I registered for my bridal shower, and people from his side STILL got me things off of the registry. What is the point of that?? Thanks for something I don’t need or already have. There’s a reason I didn’t register for it. Back to the wedding cards… MIL refuses to send out my cards because it’s rude. Seriously though.. is it THAT big of a deal???? From everything I’m reading from different sites, it’s 50/50 of people thinking it’s OK and others thinking it’s rude. If people still bring gifts, I’ll accept with a smile.. but if someone isn’t sure, then heck, my note will help them! 😉



  44. Kyle on June 11, 2014 at 5:53 pm

    I think it’s perfectly acceptable Vee. Here’s what I don’t get about how weird humans are. So, we’re all cool with “registering” and essentially telling people what gifts to buy us – but we’re not cool with a simple money transfer. What a ridiculous world we live in!



  45. Davi on February 21, 2015 at 12:20 pm

    I love the idea of letting people know what you would like to be gifted. Although letting it be known gifts are not expected is important too. I wrote the following poem:

    We hope you will come to our wedding
    and your presence is all we need
    but if a gift is what you are planning
    Contributions to our honeymoon would help indeed

    Hope you like it.



  46. Kyle on February 21, 2015 at 3:24 pm

    Thanks Davi!



  47. Heather on April 29, 2015 at 2:06 am

    Even though the idea of cash wedding registries seem to be catching on, there are still a lot of people who think it’s tacky to ask for cash. I think new sites like Envelope Registry are a great workaround as they seem to handle the issue of “tackiness” with tact. They have a variety of items and experiences you can add to your registry that guest’s can contribute towards. It’s a lot better than saying, “Hey, just give us cash!”. The total money that comes in is transferred directly to your bank account so you eventually end up with cash. It’s a win-win.



  48. NATS on January 5, 2016 at 10:37 pm

    Interesting!!! We are in the planning stages of our wedding now and it is a non-traditional wedding all the way! Getting married in June at town hall (just me and groom) having wedding party in Sept. Starting at 7pm with slide pictures of us, live band at 8 until 2 am and lunch at 11pm. Our intentions are to charge $25 per person to attend this party/celebration, the majority of people will not know we will have been married since June. I plan on writing at the bottom of the invites “A contribution of $25 per person” I’m really thinking hard on this one, can’t wait for your response. thx



  49. Kyle on January 6, 2016 at 10:28 pm

    I would think “charging $25” might have a bit of a negative consequence you are not anticipating NATS. Perhaps phrasing it something along the lines of “cash gifts gladly accepted”. To be honest, you’re likely to offend some folks if you don’t invite them to the wedding ceremony, yet infer you are “expecting” a gift.



  50. Liz on March 8, 2016 at 3:53 am

    LOVE it! Did you add that along with the invite or o your wedding page?



  51. thomas on June 27, 2016 at 8:09 pm

    What’s the rule of thumb for wedding gift money ranges? For example:

    *3-4 course meal at a place in Toronto?

    *destination wedding or wedding where you are an out-of-towner?



  52. Kyle on June 27, 2016 at 8:38 pm

    I’m not sure there is a real rule of thumb Thomas. For me, if you pay to go to a destination wedding that should be the end of any expectation. Beyond that I just think it’s up in the air unfortunately!



  53. Jessyka on January 30, 2017 at 8:35 pm

    Asking for money as a wedding gift isn’t really a new thing anymore. We did it 24 years ago in 1993. As far as offending your guests and appearing as insensitive or greedy, I think it comes down to how it’s done. We had dated for 3 years and then lived together for 3 years, the last one of which was in the house we had built. When people asked us, or our families, for gift ideas we said cash – with a disclaimer that the funds would be pooled together to purchase the big furniture items needed for the new house since we had our towels and toaster already. Considering the people you invite to a wedding are family and friends, they should know you, and really shouldn’t be offended by the request for cash gifts. Back then, it was very odd and the thought was that the cash was going to go towards paying for the wedding or honeymoon, which guests shouldn’t pay for. When I sent out the thank you cards for the wedding gifts I included a picture of the furniture items that we purchased and thanked them for contributing to the creation of our wonderful home together, and that we’d have the use of these items for many, many years to come. The feedback I heard through family is that the pictures were really appreciated as the gift giver could see how their $$ was used and contributed to our new life together. In the end, I think that is what the gift giving desire is – to help out the new couple with their lives and they just want to know that they have. Now, talk about something else that was new back then …. a cash bar at the reception!! 🙂



  54. Marisa on February 7, 2017 at 1:01 pm

    Vee, have you spoken to your MIL about your cultural customs? I think this could be solved by teaching her about your culture and asking for the same respect she would ask for if her cultural norms were not the dominant way of thinking. I hope you are able to smooth out this situation soon! I wish you and your fiancé luck and the most wonderful life together!



  55. Brandon on February 19, 2017 at 2:01 pm

    I’d personally use TILT or another website, since they have a much cheaper price model than these other ones recommended. $5+3% charge is HUGE!



  56. Adriana @MoneyJourney on April 14, 2017 at 3:23 am

    I’ve only been invited to one wedding so far, but since I was broke at the time and wasn’t that close to the happy couple anyway, I politely rejected the invite.

    The thing is, where I come from, wedding gifts usually consist of envelopes with cash. I’ve rarely heard about guests desperately looking to buy appliances or pots & pans for the newlyweds!

    Cash was always ‘the norm’ back home, and I do agree it’s the perfect wedding gift! It’s the most useful gift anyone can offer to someone starting a new life 🙂



  57. Moe on April 16, 2017 at 11:44 am

    Personally I’m not a fan of asking for cash. Possibly from your immediate family but not other guests. If you don’t need anything because you have already lived together or on your own I think you should ask that the guests specifically don’t give gifts or donate to a charity instead. Take care:)



  58. Trish on April 17, 2017 at 6:40 am

    Personally I only give cash when a guest at a wedding and even if I cannot make it I will send cash anyway. However, I do find a cash only request tacky. It would make me feel used and undervalued as a guest . Weddings should not be a cash cow for any couple. Traditionally, it was up to immediate families to assist financially when a new couple was starting out. I think the combo of expensive weddings plus cash only requests makes it off putting. I get that things are expensive especially in major cities but if you want a leg up focus on minimizing expenses rather than a lavish party that will put you in a worse position. If cash only requests are made, I think it should be only to close relatives .



  59. Christine on April 17, 2017 at 8:05 pm

    What happens most often in Manitoba is that there’s a shower for the couple first – this is where they register and you buy them all the household items – then most people give cash at the actual wedding. We’re also big on wedding socials so there’s a lot of opportunity for the couple to make money!



  60. Michelle on April 24, 2017 at 7:31 am

    I got married in 1973 in Winnipeg, Manitoba and to this day when people get married they say on the wedding invitation on the far bottom left “Presentation”. That means “cash in a wedding card” which is deposited either in a basket or some kind of decorated container. Gifts are rarely given unless an invitation says “gifts welcome” That’s been and to this day still is our tradition.



  61. Kyle on April 24, 2017 at 5:03 pm

    That is an awesome tradition Michelle!



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