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As I foray into the dating world (well, not really, but kind of) I have been meeting different types of guys. I didn't know that there were guys who were out there and were as passionate about saving money and finding deals as I was. I mean, I do because everyone who posts on Red Flag Deals is probably a deal junkie, but I guess in my last relationship, I felt quite proud that I was good at that. You know, it was like my niche. I was the cool girl (not so cool, really) who loved a bargain and who found good bargains. My ex-boyfriend wasn't really into bargain hunting or saving money and left it up to me to do all the research and stuff. I really liked knowing that I found a good deal. I felt proud of it. It's my thing!
Enter a new guy that I am seeing. He knows how to score a good bargain and seems to be even better than it than I am (I know, like whhhhatttttt??). He buys most things online (down to…towels) because they are cheaper and he picks them up from the states. He is probably more frugal than me.
Does it go back to Values?
I know having the same views on money is very important, since the number one reason of divorce is due to money. Couples fight about money, especially when you have different spending styles. One saves, one spends and then people in the relationship end up lying to each other about their purchases. Couples also fight about who gets to control the money or the purse strings.
I'm not sure why it's such a taboo subject and such a difficult subject to talk to your significant other about, but perhaps it goes back to the fact that money is all about the manifestations of our own values. Money doesn't buy you happiness, but it can buy you a lot of stuff, vacations, adventures, and other intangible and tangible experiences.
So when people have different spending styles (e.g. one is a spender and one is a saver – or *gasp* even a miser), I can see that there will be natural disagreements. Our spending styles are really often a product of our family of origin. If you grew up with parents that pinched their pennies (which doesn't exist anymore, by the way), you will likely be a penny pincher too. Or, you could rebel against what you were brought up with and become completely frivolous with money.
What is Money Compatibility?
Money provides a means for people to explore their values and display what they value I suppose. I think that generosity is very important and although I am a frugal person, I am very generous when it comes to gifts, treating others for meals etc. I guess the worry (subconsciously I suppose) is that I think, what if this person, who is so frugal, is not a generous person? What if he will be frugal with his “displays of affection” so they say, towards me?
I am finding myself thinking the opposite of when I was in the last relationship. It is confusing me even more. For example, my ex-boyfriend drove a nice car (he was probably going through is 1/3 life crisis) and although I didn't really discourage him, I guess I was thinking that him and I share different values. For example, I'm happy driving my beater car for a while because I would rather spend my money on traveling. With current guy I am dating, he drives a beater car too (though not as old as mine) and doesn't see the value in spending money on a luxury car. Although I wouldn't buy a luxury car, I am interested in getting a new car (maybe an SUV) so I can carry things in my car without having to borrow or rent out a small truck every time I need to move something small.
Essentially, I feel like the tables have turned and now I feel like the frivolous spendthrift one! What is wrong with me? 🙂
Readers, I can't tell whether this is a turn off or a turn on. What do you guys think? Would you want someone who was as frugal (or maybe more frugal) than you are?
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