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Third-Life Crisis is something I'm going through now...

Although Wikipedia does not have an entry for a one-third life crisis, they do have a definition for the quarter life crisis.  As I am now in my 30’s (my heart skips a little even as I type that), I think a more apt description would be a third-life crisis, as I do not anticipate to live to be 120.  It would be nice to get that letter from the Queen though, if I turn 100.  Anyway, back to the point.  I don’t anticipate to live to 90 either (the way I eat those Kettle chips and McDonalds fries with the McChicken sauce I highly doubt I will live until 90), but I’ll just say third-life crisis from now on haha.

Keeping Up with the Jones’

I must say that I have been pretty reasonable in avoiding the tendency to keep up with the Jones’ (I don’t drive a fancy car, my most expensive purse is a $230 purse from Roots versus a $1000+ Louis Vuitton or Chanel purse, and I don’t live in a home that is more than I can afford).  However, I haven’t been able to avoid the idea of trying not to Keep up with the Jones’ in a ‘life stage’/ societal expectation sense.

Related: Don’t Succumb to Lifestyle Inflation

Everyone is Getting Married

Everyone around me is getting married or are married or are engaged.  Seeing engagement pictures (yes, I went back on Facebook haha) and wedding photos of everyone else is starting to get nauseating.  One of my guy friends who I have known since I was 8 is planning to propose to his girlfriend of a few years.  I never thought he would be one of the first guys in our high school friends group to get a ring and get married.  I think learning about this has prompted me to really think about myself and what my situation currently is.

Related: The Cost of Weddings – Yours and Everyone Else’s!

To be honest, I just can’t imagine myself in these aforementioned engagement and wedding photos- and I’m not sure why.  Also, it doesn’t help that I will have attended at least four weddings this year.  As long as it is not four weddings and a funeral.

Everyone is Popping out Babies

Everyone is having babies too.  I would rather see baby pictures than wedding pictures.  Babies are cute.  However, please do not post baby pictures on a daily basis.  Please do not post regular updates about your child because I do not need to know that your child has had their first potty training session.

Fear and Escapism

I admit, I miss the early responsibility-free care-free days of my early and mid-twenties.  I am not enjoying the societal expectations and pressures so far in my 30’s but I do enjoy the experiences I have gained in the last 10 years.  I do enjoy the memories I have created.  I do enjoy how I feel absolutely comfortable in my own skin and I don’t really care what other people think anymore about how I look, how I dress, or what I do (except for the expectation part about my relationships, when I am going to get married, or pop out babies of course).  Being 30 is pretty awesome because I feel absolutely confident in my own skin.

I guess I didn’t think I would be where I am today?  If that makes sense.  I am happy with my career, I am happy with my financial situation so far, but I guess societal expectation wise, I feel I am a bit behind in terms of my relationship.  I guess a few years ago, I thought I was “set”.  I had the house.  I had the long term boyfriend.  Life just sort of tosses you around a bit.  I guess we can’t have it all.  Life would be too easy then, wouldn’t it be.

Maybe I am not really ready for the “next step”.  I would rather escape the pressures of society and travel around the world, living like a vagabond at hostels for $6 a night.  Am I being a Peter Pan?  I don’t think I am transitioning well.

There must be something wrong with me, haha.  Maybe I am meant to be an old miserly woman with 3 dogs I stroll around in a baby stroller.

Readers, how did/do you feel about this next stage in life?

Article comments

CWB says:

A bit of a late comment – I just stumbled upon this post while assessing my finances at this mid-point of the year. Your post pretty much sums up my present situation.

There’s one difference though – I know exactly why I’m “behind” expectations on the relationship front. My border line obsession with personal finances means that I really can’t commit long-term to someone that isn’t similarly fiscally aware/responsible or brings a significantly worse financial situation to the plate. It sounds kind of awful to say that, but it’s the truth for me.

There is a certain paranoia that I’m seriously risking my #1 goal in my life (which is only possible by reaching a certain financial goal as soon as possible) anytime we start talking about co-habitation or beyond.

Harmful to my relationships and wrong? Yeah probably. Can I help feeling this way? Nope. Am I destined to fly solo through a series of short-term relationships? Yeah probably, unless I can charm the pants off of a dentist or something.

Is there a support group (PF Nerds Anonymous) or something out there for folks like me?

Young says:

@CWB- haha maybe PF nerds anonymous are those that are PF bloggers. I don’t think you’re wrong to have your own values- however, dentists may be terribly financial-wise too! The problem with being in your 30’s is that you already know what they are like at their “peak”. I mean, in your 20’s they have the prospect of doing this or that, and you accept them for it more I believe. When you are established, you expect the other to be established too and have higher expectations. Unfortunately I fall into that same boat and it sucks.

Leigh says:

Hah! I have no interest in getting married any time soon. I don’t know that I don’t want to either, but I definitely don’t want kids any time soon. Everyone around me seems to want those things and be confident in that, which confuses me sometimes. Honestly, the part of “the next stage” I rebuff the most is the emphasis on work, rather than life.

I want a life with more travel and 30 hours of work a week and life would be so much more pleasant.

Cassie says:

6 months ago I was in exact the same position as you. Well, almost, I turn 30 next month. I

Young says:

@Cassie- you are absolutely reading my mind!! Yeah, imagine how it feels for those who want to have children but are having difficulty, and people keep asking… sometimes people can be so insensitive, though I guess they mean well.

matt says:

These are the types of blog posts that stop me from coming back here often, this is a personal finance blog not a relationship blog.

Young says:

@matt- lol sorry man. It’s a lifestyle blog! Personal finance is ingrained in everything we do, no?

Cassie says:

It’s your blog. If you want to write about it, write about it. I’m still reading.

Phil says:

I’m guessing you are on the young side. One day, hopefully while your are young, you will learn that life is about balance. Finances, relationships, education, health… If one part of your life has stress, it will affect your overall life and hence your “success”. – Cheers, and start focussing on the overall, and not the specifics.

You’re still very young, I just turned 29 the other day, I have a seven year old daughter and I married very young, but honestly, sometimes I do have lots of regrets in my life and one of these was marrying at the very young age but one thing that I never regretted, is that having a sweet daughter with me.

Young says:

@Marie- Like! 🙂

Phil says:

As long as you wake up happy at least every other day I wouldn’t worry about it. if you have 2 or 3 days in a row where you are generally “unhappy” I’d suggest changing or shaking up life a little. My rule used to be if I was “unhappy” 2 days in a row I need to do something to break the cycle, change things up, do something I always just wanted to do. that said, when I learned that smiles were infectious, whenever I would perceive myself unhappy, I would smile for no reason, which generally threw people off a little and opened up fun conversations, hence me having a better day :). Life is what you make it, dreams are achievable if you have a plan, and action it. – cheers, from a guy at the peak of his mid-life crisis.

Young says:

@Phil- awesome philosophy phil!