I can’t believe that it is already November 2013. So much has happened in my life that I never thought or ever fathomed would ever happen, had this been me typing this 13 months ago.
In November, it will be one year since my ex of seven and a half years and I broke up.
At the time, I was utterly completely devastated. I was angry, resentful, hurt, bitter, and emotionally labile. To be honest, I don’t know how I was able to function at my place of work and be able to finish school. I remember a moment when I was driving at night and tears were just running down my face. I didn’t know how I could go on.
I still clung on, too… thinking that he would want me back and everything would be all better again. It didn’t help matters when we had to be in contact to talk about selling the house. It also didn’t help matters when our mutual friends would talk about him and how he was doing. It didn’t help that I could see his profile when we were both online dating!
It was really hard to let go. But when I finally did, about seven months after the whole ordeal, it felt so much better.
We were messaging back and forth, talking about getting back together, but in my heart I knew he didn’t want me. He wasn’t ready to settle down and I don’t think he will ever be the type to commit to anyone.
The moment I realized that there was no point in holding on was when there was something I had left behind… it was trivial, my roller blades and bicycle helmet. I had asked him to drop it off (because I dropped off his DVD’s a month earlier) because I wanted to start riding my bicycle to work. He said he was really busy with work and school and he suggested that if I really wanted it, I should come and pick it up. He said he had an exam on Friday.
Well, low and behold, I was looking at plants that Friday at a grocery store, and I see him, in his convertible, with the top down, with a new girl he was dating.
It was that moment when I realized that I really needed to move on.
It sounds cliche, but I really could see clearly… I could see that he did not respect me, he did not value who I was, he wanted to change me and did not accept me for who I was.
It goes both ways… I did not accept him for who he was either. I wanted him to quit smoking, to take more responsibility around the home.
I don’t know how I would have done this without the help of my friends and family. They listened patiently to my stories, my tears, my sadness, my sorrow. They helped me realize that I was not happy and my relationship with him was very unhealthy. I am grateful for my ability to let go of what I thought my life should have been.
I am happier now than I ever was. I am taking care of myself. I go for runs regularly, I surround myself with loving people, and I make sure I follow my heart. Sure there are some days where I felt really lonely and missed the laughter and memories that we had… but accepting the fact that nothing in life is every permanent, nothing in life is a guarantee.
Except for death and taxes, of course.
They say that the best predictor of how you do in life is how you cope with change. Boy, was there change in the past year.
So what do you do when life throws you a curveball?
Throw it back.
And trust that everything will work out… for the better.
Readers, has 2013 been a life-changing year for you as well?