A Year in Review…When Life Throws You a Curveball

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I interrupt the regularly scheduled investing and saving money posts for a personal post.  I know you guys like to live vicariously through my crazy life, so I thought you would appreciate this.

I can't believe that it is already November 2013.  So much has happened in my life that I never thought or ever fathomed would ever happen, had this been me typing this 13 months ago.

Curveballs…

In November, it will be one year since my ex of seven and a half years and I broke up.

A Year in Review...When Life Throws You a CurveballAt the time, I was utterly completely devastated.  I was angry, resentful, hurt, bitter, and emotionally labile.  To be honest, I don't know how I was able to function at my place of work and be able to finish school.  I remember a moment when I was driving at night and tears were just running down my face.  I didn't know how I could go on.

I still clung on, too… thinking that he would want me back and everything would be all better again.  It didn't help matters when we had to be in contact to talk about selling the house.  It also didn't help  matters when our mutual friends would talk about him and how he was doing. It didn't help that I could see his profile when we were both online dating!

It was really hard to let go.  But when I finally did, about seven months after the whole ordeal, it felt so much better.

We were messaging back and forth, talking about getting back together, but in my heart I knew he didn't want me.  He wasn't ready to settle down and I don't think he will ever be the type to commit to anyone.

The moment I realized that there was no point in holding on was when there was something I had left behind… it was trivial, my roller blades and bicycle helmet.  I had asked him to drop it off (because I dropped off his DVD's a month earlier) because I wanted to start riding my bicycle to work.  He said he was really busy with work and school and he suggested that if I really wanted it, I should come and pick it up.  He said he had an exam on Friday.

Well, low and behold, I was looking at plants that Friday at a grocery store, and I see him, in his convertible, with the top down, with a new girl he was dating.

It was that moment when I realized that I really needed to move on.

It sounds cliche, but I really could see clearly… I could see that he did not respect me, he did not value who I was, he wanted to change me and did not accept me for who I was.

It goes both ways… I did not accept him for who he was either.  I wanted him to quit smoking, to take more responsibility around the home.

Gratitude…

I don't know how I would have done this without the help of my friends and family.  They listened patiently to my stories, my tears, my sadness, my sorrow.  They helped me realize that I was not happy and my relationship with him was very unhealthy.  I am grateful for my ability to let go of what I thought my life should have been.

I am happier now than I ever was.  I am taking care of myself.  I go for runs regularly, I surround myself with loving people, and I make sure I follow my heart.  Sure there are some days where I felt really lonely and missed the laughter and memories that we had… but accepting the fact that nothing in life is every permanent, nothing in life is a guarantee.

Except for death and taxes, of course.

Changes…

They say that the best predictor of how you do in life is how you cope with change.  Boy, was there change in the past year.

So what do you do when life throws you a curveball?

Throw it back.

And trust that everything will work out… for the better.

Readers, has 2013 been a life-changing year for you as well?

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Young is a writer and former owner of Young and Thrifty and the main "twitter' behind Young and Thrifty's twitter account. She lives in Vancouver, BC and enjoys long walks on the beach, spending time with her anxious dog, and finding good deals. If you like what you read, consider signing up for email updates.

5 Comments

  1. Tyler on November 8, 2013 at 1:21 am

    Hey Young, Thanks for sharing that personal Chapter in your life. It must have been hard to write it but a great relief at the same time. Thank you.

    ( Do you feel better yet? 😛 ) Well, Whatever happens will happen right. Take one day at a time. Life’s Great. We’re all hustling hard, saving up, investing into our Financial Independence (Dividend investing). It’s all Good. Effing Yeah!!

    All I can say is.. Life’s a Blessing.
    P.S. Give it 10, 15, 20 years when you’re Rolling in the dividends… living off of it’s JUICINESS. and your EX is still working DAMN HELLA HARD… maybe then you can spit in his face in your convertible… LOL Cheers.
    Im just joking.



  2. Phil on November 8, 2013 at 7:08 am

    Wow, sorry I did not realize the history in your recent life. Congratulations on dealing with it. It would have been much easier and very much more unhealthy for you to just be vengeful and bitter, but would have cost you in the long run. the key for you is to release it as a lesson learned, and move on. Be positive and positive will flow back into your life. better that you found out it would not work after 7years than 20 :). So to the question, So what do you do when life throws you a curveball? I flow with it and try and look at the positive opportunities that have now presented them selves with this usually unexpected change. So back in 2009, the company I worked for decided to close our satellite design operation. 35 of us out and back into the job pool. I decided that I was not interested in going back to work as part of that rat race and became an at home dad. After severance and EI wore off it hit me, is this it for me? Nope I began using my skills as a quality engineer to begin seriously investing. Investing in stocks to create and income, and investing my time in my friends, and for causes as a volunteer I knew could use my skill set. talk about a life change. it has been a rewarding ride so far. I wonder what curveball my life will throw me tomorrow! – Cheers, and remember we have but one life to live, but think about how rewarding life it cam be if we include and share with others our time and abilities.



  3. Miiockm on November 8, 2013 at 1:55 pm

    I know exactly how it feels. I wish you the best of luck this year.



  4. eemusings on November 9, 2013 at 10:00 pm

    It really has – six months of travel will do that to you. Now we’re back home and on the hunt for a place to live that won’t kill us physically (damp, mould) or financially. I have no idea what the next few years will bring, but hopefully stability and some security.

    I am glad you’ve managed to find some closure, and here’s to a better 2014!



  5. Stephen @ HowToSaveMoney.ca on November 10, 2013 at 9:49 pm

    I remember years ago now reading your posts that were tied to your boyfriend and thinking that it didn’t seem like you two were very compatible but it also seemed like you were very committed to him.

    I’m really glad to now hear that you’ve moved on with your life and come to the full realization that he never was the one for you. I’m sure you had many great times together and hopefully you don’t regret that time in your life, but now you are free to rediscover yourself and take your lessons learned and apply them to a new committed relationship when the time comes.



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