I recently read “Why Men Love Bitches” by Sherry Argov (yeah, that's right, I've been reading more books in the past few weeks than I have in the past few years!) and in this book she has “100 Attraction Principles” whereby if a girl withholds these principles, the guy of your interest would become and hopefully stay attracted to you. On a side note, I just wanted to clarify that if you haven't read the book, the author isn't saying that girls need to be a b*tch, she's just saying that girls should “hold their own” and not be emotionally needy for the guy. In this book she argues that emotional neediness is NOT a turn on and basically is a one-way ticket for the guy to hightail it out of the relationship.
One of her principles, Attraction Principle #82 says:
Financial neediness is no different than emotional neediness; in both instances, he can still get the feeling that he has 100 percent hold on you
What Sherry Argov means by 100 percent hold is the feeling is disrespect towards the female who is financially needy, and not “holding her own”. There are many stories of women who were absolutely devastated after a divorce, not only emotionally but financially. Because their husbands managed the money in the household, the newly divorced women did not know anything about saving or investing. They did not know the financial assets and investments their husband had because their husbands handled the finances. This is an unfortunate but often common occurrence for divorcees.
Some men really don't like the fact that their wives make more than they do. At the same time, some men really relish the fact that their wives make more than they do. I guess each guy is different. I am curious what men out there prefer- do you prefer to be the breadwinner and pay for everything (including her trips, her designer bags, her dinners etc.) or do you prefer to have a girl who can hold her own?
With so many dual income couples and families being a necessity instead of a choice these days, our roles have changed. We were mostly raised by mothers who stayed at home and took care of us, however, this scenario seems less common now (at least where I live it seems this way). Often both parents need to work now to support the high cost of living in this day and age. I think that having dual income earners inevitably changes our roles on the domestic front. With many women focusing on their career, many don't have time for dating. This makes services like Badoo or other dating sites popular for men and women to find their better halves.
When I wrote about separate or joint finances, I was quite surprised by the amount of comments advocating for joint finances (like 100% joint finances) in order to show that the couple is working “as a team” and not working separately. I can see the importance of having joint finances, for example, if someone in the relationship had to stay home and raise the children. However, if I were to have kids, I know I would want to keep working, even if it was part-time. It would be nice to have my own money and not rely on hubby's approval for extraneous purchases that he might not necessarily agree on (e.g. my $150 worth in wine last weekend).
Balance is Key
Personally, like all things in life, I think that having balance is key. I know many guy friends who don't admit it, but are scared of women who are powerful in the boardroom. They equate power in the boardroom as power in the bedroom. Many guys want girls who are feminine and who won't boss or nag them around. With more and more elite professions these days that were once predominantly “boys clubs” and are now dominated by females (e.g. medicine and law), I wonder how powerful, financially independent women balance it out at home? Do they tune down the dominance when they get home and become meek pussy cats in order to please their man and not scare him off? Do they call all the shots and get taken advantage of like I did back in the day?
Perhaps this post will become more controversial than the post on me buying real estate!
Readers, what do you think? Do you think financially independent women are sexy? Or does the “girl power” motto scare you off? Be honest! 😉